(We are studying the short story ‘Lamb to the Slaughter,’ in which a woman bludgeons her husband to death with a leg of lamb, and then proceeds to feed the lamb to the police officers investigating the crime.)

Teacher: “So, the name of the story is a pun. Can anyone tell me what a pun is?”

(There is silence for a minute before one student puts in her answer.)

Student: “Is it, like, based on the story? Like, is it, like, meat?”

(My teacher goes over Freud, and briefly goes over Freudian slips. The next week, the class gets on the topic of voting.)

Student: “A lot of the younger people I talk to say they don’t vote because it feels like it won’t make a difference.”

Teacher: “I’ve heard the same. Your generation is pathetic—wait, no!”

(The class laughs.)

Teacher: “I’m sorry, politically apathetic. I don’t think you guys are pathetic.”

(The class continues to chuckle a bit.)

Teacher: “This always happens right after I go over Freudian slips.”

(I’m in an astronomy class taught by a teacher who works both at our school and the rival high school. The rival school has a planetarium but ours doesn’t, so we take a day-long field trip to the other school a couple times that year to use it. The rivalry between our schools is incredibly intense, especially around the football season, so we receive this warning from the astronomy teacher on the bus ride over.)

Teacher: “Okay, now, I want you all to listen up. When I brought my last class over it was right before the big football game. We arrived right at the change of classes, someone spotted our IDs, and I found myself nearly having to diffuse a riot. You guys are a much smaller class and will be vastly outnumbered. I want you all to hide your IDs. Do not take them out for anyone and do not let them know which school you come from!”

(As we arrive, a security guard waiting to check our IDs notices that we have them all pocketed.)

Security Guard: “School IDs out at all times, please. The policy is the same here as it is at your school.”

Teacher: “No, [Guard]! I told them to hide them so that we didn’t have another riot!”

(The security guard looks at him, then at us, and then gets this glazed over look on his face like he suddenly remembers something. He looks at the clock then back at us.)

Security Guard: “Classes are about to let out! The planetarium’s down that way! Quick, hide your IDs and run! Run! I’ll come check them once you’re all safe!”

(Admittedly that was the first time a security guard ever told us to run in the halls…)

(We’re on break between our two classes. My friends will often leave their bags with me while they visit the catering truck to get fries or a burger. I’m reading a popular novel on my phone when they come back.)

Friend: “You’re READING!?”

Me: “It’s a good book!”

Friend: “School just isn’t enough for you, is it?”

(At my school things are usually pretty casual between teacher and student. I’m notorious for being the kind of person to joke around with a few teachers, mainly due to hyperactivity and over-confidence.)

Me: “Hey, miss? Do you get it?”

Teacher: “…what?”

Me: “…oh. Don’t wanna make a paradox.”

(She walks off, confused. I call her back after about two minutes.)

Me: “Knock knock.”

Teacher: “…what?”

Me: “Knock knock.”

Teacher: *sighing* “Who’s there?”

Me: “A time traveller.”