How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 26

(We rarely ever get calls on the house phone, so I answer the phone hesitantly when it rings.)

Caller: *in a very thick accent* “I am from [Phone Provider]. We have had reports that your computer is sending viruses to—”

Me: “No, thanks.” *hangs up*

(A few seconds later…)

Caller: “This is [Phone Provider]. We need to fix your computer.”

Me: “I said no, thanks.”

(Again, straight away…)

Caller: “This is [Phone Provider]; if you do not fix your computer you will go to jail! How does that sound? Do you want to go to jail?”

Me: “Free food and exercise?! Sounds good!” *hangs up*

(Again…)

Caller: “Listen, do not be hanging up on me. You have to talk to me!”

Me: “Okay, I’m bored with this now. I know you’re a lying, scamming, weasel, and frankly I think what you are doing is disgusting. I’m off sick so I have nothing better to do today, apart from calling you the waste of space that you are. Up to you…”

Caller: “…”

Me: “Thought so.”

Caller: *almost pleading* “But I am calling from [Phone Provider].”

Me: “No, you’re not, and f*** you.”

(Thankfully the calls stopped after that.)