Hopefully, They Get Dental Care In Heaven

(It’s about a week after my stepfather’s funeral, and we’re still getting various letters from ends that haven’t been tied up yet. I’m calling his dental practice after receiving a letter saying he needs to make an appointment.)

Me: “Good morning, I’m calling about a letter my stepfather, [stepfather’s name] received this week. ”

Receptionist: “Oh good, yes. He’s incredibly late for his next check up. Shall I make him an appointment now?”

Me: “Well… he doesn’t really need one.”

Receptionist: “What do you mean he doesn’t need one? Everyone needs one! Dental care is important! Tell him that if he doesn’t want to end up old with a mouthful of rotten teeth, he absolutely must look after them! Can you put him on the phone, please?”

Me: “I’m afraid I won’t be able to tell him, and I certainly won’t be able to do that.”

Receptionist: “Why not?!”

Me: “We buried him last Tuesday.”

Receptionist: “…I’ll just take him off our system, then.”