Home-Cooked Drama

(We’ve been invited to a kid-free function so I ask my mother if she can watch our kids for the evening, something I rarely do as my parents look after my sister’s kids several times a week. Usually I can’t do anything right in the eyes of my father and grandmother. I drop the kids off and realise I have forgotten to ask my mother to feed them, and find that my parents and grandmother had already eaten.)

Me: “Here are their pajamas and pillows. I’ll bring their dinner over in a few minutes.” *we only live next door so it’s not a big trip*

(I race home, pull things out of the fridge, pantry, and freezer. Within 15 minutes I’ve pulled together a meal of fish, noodles, and vegetables and take it over for the kids. I go to pick them up the next morning.)

Mum: *handing me my plates* “You’re such a b****.”

Me: “What happened?”

Mum: “You upset your father and grandmother.”

Me: “What’s new? What did I do this time?”

Mum: “You cooked dinner.”

Me: “I usually cook dinner?”

Mum: “Don’t you know that you only ever feed your kids [Burger Restaurant] or [Fried Chicken]? Your father and grandmother were making bets as to what it was going to be. You should have seen their faces when they saw a home-cooked meal. Your grandmother had nothing to complain about to [Aunt] when she called… Almost nothing that is; she did complain about how you left the kids with us and why you didn’t just leave them with [Husband’s Parents].”

Me: “Maybe because they were with us at [Function]?”

Mum: “So anyway, I spoke to [Aunt] and told her the real story; she said she’s going to have some stern words with you.”

Me: *groans* “Oh, g*d, not her, too.”

Mum: *grinning* “Yes, she said, how dare you leave your kids with their own grandparents, when you could have just gone out and pulled a stranger off the street or just left them at home with a box of matches.”

Me: “Tell her I’ll remember that for next time.”

Mum: “You better, because looking after your kids twice in a year is a bit much, you know. You’re taking advantage of us. I can supply the matches, if you want.”

Me: “Are you sure? It’s a big commitment.”

Mum: “What else is a grandmother good for if she can’t buy nice things for her grandkids?”