Gone Barking Mad

(I have a little Cavachon dog, mix of Cavalier Spaniel and Bichon. He’s admittedly adorable, albeit a bit bratty. I’m taking him for a walk when I run into a woman walking a slightly larger mixed breed of some sort. It should be noted that at the time, my dog didn’t have any tags as he’d lost his other collar the last time he escaped the house before we found him.)

Woman: “Oh, look at that teddy bear face! What a sweetie!”

Me: “Thanks. Yours is cute, too.”

Woman: “Oh, he’d make an adorable playmate for Tigger.”

Me: “He’s not much of a dog-dog. He kinda sticks close to home.”

Woman: “Nonsense; he’s perfect.”

(She steps forward, scoops my dog up and starts carrying him away while he struggles to get down.)

Me: “Hey! Hey! Give him back! Lady, put him down!”

(She picks up the pace, dragging her own dog behind her and holding onto my dog who’s still struggling to get away.)

Me: “LADY! PUT HIM DOWN!”

Woman: *starts running*

Me: “Stop!”

(The woman suddenly starts screaming.)

Woman: “Someone help me! She’s trying to steal my dog! Help me!”

(We’re in a bit of a crowded woodland area that’s a hotspot for dog owners and joggers. One older gentleman in a jogging suit hurries over and the woman abruptly hides behind him.)

Jogger: “What the–?”

Woman: “Stop her! She’s trying to steal my dog!”

Me: “No, the one she’s holding is MY dog!”

Woman: “She’s lying! They’re my babies! He’s MY dog!”

Jogger: “Okay, that’s enough!”

(To my surprise, the jogger turns and grabs my dog from the woman’s arms.)

Jogger: “Okay, we’re going to figure this out scientifically. He doesn’t have any tags, so here’s what I’m going to do. I want both of you to stand back and I’m going to put him on the ground. The person he goes to is the owner, okay?”

(I agree, knowing full well that my little coward of a dog will immediately run back to me. The woman fusses about it the whole time she’s backing up. The jogger, still holding onto my dog’s leash in case he should bolt, puts him on the ground. Immediately, the woman, ignoring her other dog completely, starts calling him.)

Woman: “C’mere baby, come to mama! Come on, fluffykins, come here! Come here, let’s go! Come on!”

Me: “Boo, come here.”

(Petrified by this point, my dog bolts over to me and almost literally jumps in my arms.)

Jogger: “Well, that settles that.”

Woman: “No, No, No! That’s MY DOG! MY DOG! You’re letting that little b**** steal MY DOG! That is MY dog and I WILL take this to court! You hear me, you pathetic little b****?!

(I found out later from a park ranger that she was apparently infamous for running off with other people’s dogs, including two shelties, a Great Dane, a St. Bernard, a toy poodle, and a Chihuahua.)