Getting A Birds’ Eye View Of The Situation

(While going home from church on a Sunday, my mom and I come across a little magpie sitting on the parking lot by a mall. He looks very young and quite pinched. Mom says she saw him earlier this week at the same place, and judging by how close we can get to it without it moving an inch, I make the conclusion it can’t fly. I call the local animal shelter.)

Me: “There’s a baby magpie here at [Mall], and I think it has fallen out of his nest or something. He doesn’t look that good.”

Animal Shelter: “A little magpie at [Mall], huh? Well, I can assure you, the little bugger is in no danger whatsoever! We’ve been there FOUR TIMES trying to catch that one! He’s just too darn stubborn to be caught! I swear, he even flies straight into [Supermarket] to shop for chips! That little criminal… Well, if you can catch him, be my guest and bring him over. I’m done with this one!”

Me: *cracking up* “Well, if he seems to manage himself there’s no harm in leaving him here I guess, but I think he doesn’t know how to fly yet…”

Animal Shelter: “Oh, yes, he does! He flies like a bullet! He’s just too lazy to show it off. Thinks he’s good at playing drama. They’re smart little buggers you know, magpies. Oh no, there’s nothing wrong with this birdie. Just has a hard head.”

(His tone indicates it’s been a slow day and he’s just looking for small talk. Also, the comical indifference in his voice is very amusing. We went back and forth over this ”little feathered criminal” for about ten minutes.)

Me: *hangs up the phone and turns to the magpie, sitting a couple of yards away* “Well, aren’t you a little troll!”