Does Not Compute

(An old couple walks up to me:)

Couple: “Hello, where can we find modems?”

Me: “Modems? We don’t sell those; you need to get one from an ISP.”

Couple: “Yes, you do. We bought one over ten years ago in a store like this.”

Me: “Well, yes, we may have sold them back then, but you can’t just buy modems these days.”

Couple: “Yes, you can. My neighbours just bought a new one here last week!”

Me: *thinking they’re looking for a new router* “What would you like to use it for?”

Couple: “For going on the Internet! What do you think we mean?”

Me: “Well, we have many routers here, like this one with 802.11ac and this one—”

Couple: “—How the h*** are those things so small? Where do you need to plug your keyboard in? Where does your screen go? How does that work, sonny boy? Tell me, HOW DOES THAT WORK?!”

Me: “Oh. I think you’re looking for a desktop. One of those big boxy COMPUTERS?”

Couple: “Yes, yes, that!”

(In the end, they bought a laptop – “All that stuff in such a small box? Wow!”)