Defying Gravity

(During science class, my teacher is busy explaining the principles of gravity and how anything with mass exerts some gravitational pull. She initially describes this effect by using a board marker and herself to represent objects with mass but decides she isn’t getting her point across.)

Teacher: “[My Name], stand up a second, please.”

Me: *seeing where this is going* “Please, no…”

Teacher: “Don’t be silly. Stand up now.”

(I slowly stand.)

Me: “Look, miss, I know what you’re about to say and I’m begging you, please don’t. Really, just don’t.”

Teacher: *ignoring me and to the rest of the class* “Now both [My Name] and I have mass and therefore we are attracted to one another.”

(At this the whole class bursts into laughter making all the usual remarks and causing me to become quite embarrassed; however, rather than noticing, my teacher decides to persist with the explanation.)

Teacher: “And since we are attracted to each other in a zero-gee environment we would… come together.”

(The class is continuing to laugh and I am just too embarrassed so I shout out.)

Me: “Not really. More likely, given our current separation, we would bounce and then settle into some kind of orbit – i.e. we wouldn’t touch. Now if you are done humiliating me, I’m leaving.”

(With that I walked out of the class. The teacher later phoned home and spoke to my Mum to apologize for what she later realized was inappropriate and to commend me on my understanding of gravity and orbital mechanics.)