Dad Will Teach You Straight

(I recently discovered that I am gay, and after telling a few of my very close friends, I decided it was time to tell my parents.)

Me: “Well, there is really no easy way to say this. I, ummm, well, I’m gay.”

(My dad looks shocked but says nothing, stands up, and walks into the bathroom. He walks out with a cold flat iron. He proceeds to rub the flat iron down my arm, as if my arm was a lock of hair. I pull my arm away.)

Me: “Dad? What are you doing?!”

Dad: *laughing* “I’m trying to straighten you!”