Cause For Multiple Pregnant Pause

(I’m at a doctor’s office. She is writing me a prescription for antibiotics.)

Doctor: “You’re not pregnant, are you?”

Me: “No, I’m not.”

Doctor: “Are you sure? You can’t be pregnant or get pregnant while taking this medication.”

Me: “Yes, very sure.”

Doctor: “Have you taken a pregnancy test?”

Me: “No, I don’t need one. I know I’m not pregnant.”

Doctor: “You should take one just in case, before I give you the medication.”

Me: “No, seriously, I can NOT be pregnant. I haven’t had sex in three years.”

Doctor: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes… I think I would remember.”

Doctor: “Well, if you’re sure… but make sure you don’t get pregnant.”

(A few months later, I go to another doctor. I have almost the same exact conversation with him. The third time, I’m yet seeing another doctor, who prescribes another kind of antibiotic.)

Doctor: “These antibiotics can be extremely harmful for your unborn child.”

Me: “I’m not pregnant.”

Doctor: “Are you sure?”

(I see where this is going, and before my brain really catches up, my mouth opens:)

Me: “I only have sex with women. I’m sure.”

Doctor: “Well… that’s a good contraceptive.