A Well-Trained Conductor

(I am a passenger travelling on the train when the conductor comes down to check tickets. A passenger in front of me purchases a ticket to the next stop. The train carries on and finally arrives at the next stop of the journey and the conductor notices the passenger is still on board with no intention of moving so approaches the passenger.)

Conductor: “This is your stop.”

Passenger: “No, it’s not.”

Conductor: “You asked for a ticket to the next stop. This is it.”

Passenger: “Well I meant [station several stops away].”

Conductor: “Okay, that’ll be [price].”

Passenger: “Nah, mate.”

Conductor: “You either buy a ticket or get off the train.”

Passenger: “You think I’m soft? I travel this train all the time and never buy a ticket.”

Conductor: “Well, with that information you can either get off this train now or wait here for the police to show up, delaying all of these other passengers.”

(The passenger refuses and the back and forth goes on for a while with customers getting agitated at the passenger. After a few minutes, the conductor goes to the back on the train and makes an announcement.)

Conductor: *over announcement system* “Apologies for the delay of this service. This is due to a lowlife passenger attempting to travel on this service without a valid ticket, who apparently thinks you’re all mugs for buying one.”

(With this, the train erupted into laughter and the passenger quickly got up and ran off the train, avoiding eye contact with everyone. The train then left the station only a few minutes later than planned.)