A Catalog Of Errors

(My father, half-brother and I are visiting my paternal grandparents. My grandmother knows my mom doesn’t have a lot of money to spare, so she often hands me mail order catalogs to look for clothes in, which she’ll sometimes order. My brother, being five years younger than me, wants to do everything his older sister does.)

Brother: “Hey, are you done? I want to read, too.”

Me: “Sure.”

(I hand him the catalog and pick up another one. After a while, my brother looks at me.)

Brother: “Hey, big sis, what are these?”

(He shows me the page he’s on. Half of it has pictures of different sex toys, along with short descriptions.)

Me: *thinking quickly* “Ask Dad.”

Brother: “Dad, what are these?”

(Our dad, being open about this stuff, launches into a correct, but child appropriate, explanation. My brother listens, occasionally looking at the page. Our grandmother listens in horror.)

Grandmother: “I did not realize [Company] put these things in their catalogs!”

Me: “I think they have for a while? I’ve noticed before, but I haven’t thought about it.”

Brother: *is silent for a moment after our dad’s explanation, then reads out loud* “Rotating and vibrating…”

(My father, grandfather, and I broke into laughter, while my grandmother looked even more horrified.)