Living With A User

(I live in a six-person suite during college. One of my suitemates, Suitemate #1, is known for using other people’s stuff. This takes place when we’re brushing our teeth and one of our other suitemates, Suitemate #2, walks in.)

Suitemate #2: *looks at his shelf where he had all toiletries* “Hey! What happened to my toothbrush?”

Suitemate #1: “Whoops, sorry! Was this yours?”

Suitemate #2: “Okay, seriously, since we got here, what of mine haven’t you used?”

Suitemate #1: “I never use your stuff, man.”

Suitemate #2: *pissed off* “Yes, you do! You’ve used my condoms, you’ve used my phone, you’ve used my headphones, you’ve used my computer, you’ve worn my clothes, you’ve used my shampoo, you’ve used my conditioner, and now you’ve used my toothbrush! Just — good god, man!” *storms out*

Me: “…”

Suitemate #1: *shrugs and returns to brushing his teeth as though nothing had happened*