Unfiltered Story #311551

I had a mother who was both physically and psychologically abusive–her favorite “hobby” was arguing with people (which she’s done with just about everyone under the sun) and she would consistently pick fights with me as a teenager and force me to argue with her for hours–even when I would lose it and flip out screaming and throwing things. Because of this, I had a difficult time standing up for myself as a young adult and would go through great lengths to avoid conflicts with people. (I couldn’t even confront a 7 year old girl for constantly making insulting remarks at me everytime she saw me). If I was seriously angry at someone, my remedy would be to simply give them the silent treatment rather than say, “I didn’t appreciate it when you….”

At work, I received an email from a co-worker of mine who, being from Italy, was well known for being blunt, direct, and sometimes boistrous in her confrontations (customers included!). The email, in summary, unfairly accused me of being too careless, complacent, and unwilling to think outside the box in terms of problem solving. It made me extremely angry, but I did not respond. I did divulge the details of the email to a fellow co-worker and told her how upset I was to be so unfairly branded as lazy, more or less.

The following morning, the Italian co-worker approached my desk:

Co-Worker: I understand you have a problem with me you’d like to discuss.

Me: (Glaring at her and then ignoring her)

Co Worker: *knocking on my desk* Excuse me. I understand you have a problem with me you’d like to discuss.

Me: *continuing working*

Co-worker: Yeah, my husband tried the silent treatment with me, too. It didn’t get him anywhere, either.

Me: (silence)

Co-Worker: Hey, (name)? I don’t start my shift until this evening. I literally have all day. So let’s deal with the problem. *pulling up a chair*

Me: I don’t want to talk to you!

Co-Worker: I guessed that already.

Me: *pretending to be busy*

Co-Worker: (TV celebrity) had signs of cancer but ignored it until it turned into Stage 4 cancer. By the time he went for medical treatment, it was too late and he died.

Me: What does that have to do with anything?

Co-Worker: Fires often don’t burn out by themselves unless you put them out.

Me: ALRIGHT ALREADY! *tossing my pen* You seriously pissed me off when you said etc etc etc in your email!

And we ended up discussing how we felt about each other’s performance in the office.

Ironically, it was this Italian woman that taught me the importance of speaking up for one’s self and not being afraid to engage in a (civil and professional) conflict if someone has crossed your boundaries.

A new snarky co-worker came weeks later, grabbed a piece of training paper I was reviewing and walked away saying “Been looking all over for this! I need this! If you don’t know the protocol by heart by now, take your sorry a– home!”

Me: *seething quietly*

Italian Co-Worker: Don’t let him get away with that.

Me: It’s okay, I’ll talk to HR–

Co-Worker: Don’t let him get away with that. *pushing me in his direction and pointing at him* HR is not your mouth!

Me: *going up to him* Excuse me, I don’t know who you think you are or who you think you’re talking to but…!!!

That was about 10 years ago, and to this day, I will always credit that Italian girl for helping me find my voice and showing me how to push back on problems that approach me!