Your Money Or Your Life

(My mother-in-law has just gotten home and notices a wad of money on the dining room table.)

Mother-In-Law: “Where’d all that money come from?”

Sister-In-Law: “Oh, Uncle [Name] came over earlier and left it for you”.

Mother-In-Law: “What do you mean left it for me?”

Sister-In-Law: *shrugs* “He just said he wanted you to have it; there’s five-hundred dollars there. He left about two hours ago.”

Mother-In-Law: “S***, quick, get into the car.” *tells father-in-law to ring the police and get them to meet her at Uncle’s place*

(They rush over and find that he has just taken a bottle of pills; thanks to a quick response and the fact that public transport took two hours to get him home, he survives.)

Police: “How did you know? He didn’t leave you a note.”

Mother-In-Law: “The man is a tightwad and giving anyone money is completely out of character.”