What Happens When You Insult A Real Lady

(My wife and I volunteer at an ‘alternative’ event for leather enthusiasts. A friend of ours is one of the producers of the event and we don’t have the 200 dollars a piece to spend on admission for the weekend it so we volunteer at the coat check to get in for free on the night of the stage show. Because it is an alternative scene there are a bunch of LGBT people at the event, my wife (a trans-woman) and myself (cis-woman) included, and it is generally regarded as a safe space. My wife has the added benefit of being profoundly deaf and with hearing aids. She has also been dealing with health issues and this the first time she has been out of the house for weeks, so she’s excited to be out. It’s the end of the show so my wife, two other volunteers, and I are running around like mad getting everyone’s items while also making playful, sexy small talk with the patrons while they wait, to keep them happy. A few are already three sheets to the wind. One patron, who is plastered, comes up.)

Patron: “Wow, there’s a few women back here.”

Other Volunteer: “I know! How often do you get such an array of ladies to handle your drawers?”

Patron: *looking pointedly at my partner* “So you are all real women?”

(I start to feel my hackles rise. I protectively put an arm around my wife and proudly declare with a smile…)

Me: “Of course we are ALL real women.”

Patron: *pointing to me* “Hmm, you’re a real woman.” *pointing to my wife* “You aren’t…” *pointing to the other two* “You are and you are…”

(I’m shocked and rush her to get someone’s coat before he can say any more insulting things about her, but while she didn’t catch the whole exchange she knows she was just clocked as transgender. He gets his things and steps away. My wife anxiously asks me what he said.)

Me: “He’s just a drunk; pay no attention to him.”

Wife: *pressing* “What did he say?”

Me: “It’s nothing.”

Wife: “I need to know. You know it drives me crazy not knowing.”

Me: *giving in* “He… said you aren’t a real girl. But he’s a jerk; don’t listen to him.”

(The other volunteers notice her reaction and back me up that he was an idiot and swoop in to support her. I slink over to the bouncer (another friend of ours) and tell him what just happened. He swoops in to deal with the drunk patron. The volunteer co-ordinator and other volunteers offer to let me and my wife take a break until he leaves. I haul my wife to the now almost-empty auditorium where she has a minute to compose herself. Our friend who’s the producer comes out of backstage as I’m rubbing her back. He’s run ragged and tired from running the whole weekend’s festivities and looks the part, but pauses when he sees us. He knows she’s been sick and asks how she’s doing.)

Me: “Oh, someone was just being a jerk.”

Producer Friend: *immediately worried* “What happened?”

Me: “Some drunk said that she wasn’t a ‘real’ girl.”

Producer Friend: *to my wife* “Come here.” *gives her a hug and a kiss* “Don’t listen to idiots like that. They aren’t worth your time. And if I’m in the same room as this guy point him out I will make sure he NEVER attends one of my events ever again! If anyone says you aren’t a real girl they have another thing coming. Got it?”

(My wife nodded and started to smile again. By the time we got back down to the coat check the drunk jerk had left. They cut off his service at the bar so he was forced to go somewhere else.)