War On Kalikimaka Greetings

(My in-laws, husband, and I are eating when the topic of a big-name coffee shop’s supposed War on Christmas comes up. I am usually one to capitalize on using song lyrics in normal conversation.)

Me: “You know, if I was a barista there and someone said their name was ‘Merry Christmas’ I’d write it as ‘Miss Mary Kris.’”

Father-In-Law: Or, ‘Happy Kwanzaa’?

Husband: “Can’t spell that one to save my life, so it works!”

Me: “Or, maybe ‘Mele Kalikimaka’?”

Husband: *with mock outage* “What did you just say to me?”

Me: *matter of factly* “Relax. It’s the thing to say on a bright Hawaiian Christmas day.”

Husband: *cringing*

Me: *still with a straight face* “That’s the island greeting that they send to you from the land where palm trees sway.”

Husband: “Okay, that’s good. You’re hurting me now.”