Very Verb-iose

(I have this habit of using words as verbs when they’re not. For example, instead of saying, “Put your phone on silent mode,” I’ll say, “Silent your phone.” Also, I have ADHD, and one of the symptoms is insomnia. This means besides having a hard time going to sleep, I often wake up at ridiculous times and am unable to fall back asleep. I’ve learnt that this is when anxious thoughts occur most frequently, so I’ve taken to surfing the net. I have a friend who lives in a time zone that’s an hour behind me. Lately, for whatever reason, he’s also usually up at these hours, and so we often end up chatting over Facebook. It is almost six am my time and he has just announced he is going to bed.)

Friend: “I am going to mute you in case you get bored and message me. You’ve done that before, so…”

Me: “Don’t you normally do that?”

(On our devices, there’s this function called ‘Do Not Disturb’ that mutes all incoming messages, notifications, and calls. It is represented by a crescent shape. I had momentarily forgotten the name of said feature, and instead decided to use the icon instead.)

Me: “Why don’t you just… Okay, wait. My brain was about to tell you to ‘moon your phone.’”

Friend: “Haha!”

Me: “I meant, turn on the night function thing. The moon icon thingy.”

Friend: “HAHA!”

(I was mortified. He found it hilarious. The moral of the story is to be very careful how you phrase things.)