(I am fourteen, and It’s my second day on the job as a cross between server, greeter, and busboy. One man walks in, and is waiting for his takeout, so I begin to speak to him.)

Me: Hello! How is your day going, Sir?

Customer: Fine, fine…how old are you?

Me: *somewhat uncertain* I’m fourteen, Sir.

Customer: Good…did you have a childhood?

Me: *startled, not comfortable* Um…yes?

Customer: What is your relationship with your parents like?

(That’s when I decided that I didn’t want to know where this was going, and politely told him that I had tables to attend to, grabbed a jug of ice water, and stayed in the far corner of the restaurant until he left.)

(As a senior with a heavy workload and the recent purchase of several lengthy novels, I’ve forgone sleep in favor of memorizing a long list of anatomical terms for class and then a good read. The next day, I’m in the dining hall with a thermos of coffee and a bowl of cereal, and in a very grumpy, tired mood. Suddenly, a freshman who spoke to me a few weeks back plops down accross the table.)

Me: *Looks up and nods in greeting*

Freshman: *Cheerily* “Aren’t you going to drink anything? You know you’re supposed to drink water or juice at breakfast, rght?”

Me: *Gestures to coffee* “This’ll do.”

Freshman: “And what about meat? See, I got bacon. You should, too.”

Me: “I’m vegetarian.”

(At this point, I’d like nothing better to ask her to leave, and very bluntly at that. But besides being a bit short, I manage to keep from being mean.)

Freshman: “Yeah, but you should still eat meat. Don’t you know its good for you? And you really need to get something to drink…” *Keeps prattlig on, even when the bell rings*

Me: *Stands up and collects things* “Well, as enlightening as this has been, I’ve got to go to class. Good day.”

(Definitely not the best start to my morning.)

(My Mother and I are talking on the phone, she’s in an emergency shelter right now. My Mother is very religious, introverted and shy, she doesn’t socialize, and has very linear beliefs. I’ve always wanted my Mother to be a P-Flag Mom but this is a little overboard.)

Mom: *Urgently says my name then Whispers into the phone.* “How do you know if someone is a Lesbian??!”

Me: *laughing* “What?” (I’ve explained

several times before that you can’t really tell someones sexual preference by distinguishing traits.)

Mom: *still quite* “Well…she asked me out for a walk and no one has asked me to go for a walk in 15 years! It was nice. *quieter again* And she tries to take care of me, um she wants me to go move in with her!”

Me: *Speechless* “I don’t think moving in with her is the best idea Mom, you need to be on your own. Just be nice to her Mom.”

I was working as a wrangler at a resort ranch. Folks come up from the city to play cowboy for a weekend. I would take care of the horses, get them saddled, bridled and get the guests mounted up. I’d escort them on trail rides. One guy saw this entire process and I spoke to him for much of the hour on the trail. When I got him off the horse he actually asked me what I do for a living. I just dropped my head and said, “You tell him” to a fellow wrangler and walked into the barn. Surely barn doors are really just entries to alternate realities where horses go into stasis with no bodily functions. Kind of like parking a car. And who would want to be paid for dealing with the people?

i am a sophmore student in high school and i had to go to in school suspension for a period because i forgot to get a permission slip signed. And since the pep rally isnt but about 20 minutes away i am feeling a bit frazzeld. And in turn this happend:

*im in a sort of study hall waiting for the pep rally to start, teacher pulled out a lolly pop*

Me: ooohh wow can i have one please?

Teacher: sorry im saving the rest of these for a party later.

Me:d***it!

Me:… *eyes go wide*

Me: i didnt say that!!

Teacher: i didnt hear it anyways *walks off*

*wipes the sweat off my brow*