(My father is a musician who often tours around the globe. When this happened, he was in Japan, which currently had problems with massive flooding and people being evacuated, even injured and killed. I’m grocery shopping when I find out and call my mother immediately to find out if he’s okay, and talk to her while I’m in line to pay.)

Me: …so, is he alright? Have you heard anything?

[Mother]: I haven’t spoken to him today, but they posted a picture from the gig on their Facebook page a few hours ago, so I think we can assume he’s safe. He shouldn’t be close to the area where the flooding is, anyway.

Me: It’s so scary though, not knowing how he is. I hope he calls to confirm he’s okay soon. Aren’t they going to [flooded area] tomorrow?

[Mother]: Yeah. It’s a bit worrying. But it should be fine.

(At this point, it’s almost my turn to pay, and I quickly apologize to the cashier for talking on the phone, while trying to get my cards of out my wallet. The previous customer, who looks completely ordinary, is a good distance away from me already, packing his items.)

[Previous customer] (sees me talking on the phone and rushes towards me) HOW DARE YOU TALK RIGHT INTO MY EAR? HAVE YOU NO SHAME?

Me: (into phone) Mom, I have to go. *hangs up* I’m sorry, sir?

[Customer]: YOU WERE TALKING STRAIGHT INTO MY EAR! YOU’RE YELLING AND DISTURBING EVERYONE!

[Cashier] and me: …

[Customer]: I DEMAND YOU APOLOGIZE THIS INSTANT!

Me: Sir, I’m very sorry, but I wasn’t talking very loudly. I know it’s rude to chat on the phone while you’re trying to pay, but–

[Customer] (to cashier): IS THIS THE KIND OF PEOPLE YOU LET IN TO YOUR STORE?

[Cashier]: Sir, please, there is absolutely no need for this kind of outburst. Her talking on the phone did not bother me. This does.

The customer stands there, absolutely fuming with anger, until he rushes out. I hope he managed to have a better day after that…

(I was singing songs about America at the dinner table and my little brother decided to object)

Me: “America rocks! America rocks!” *sung* Little Brother: “America sucks! California is better.”

Me: “You haven’t even been out of the United States.”

Little Brother: “Yeah I have! I’ve been to Texas!”

Me: *facepalm*

I work at the customer service desk. A customer comes in with his son, hands me a gift receipt and a toy. I scan the receipt and the UPC to find that the item isn’t something we sell.

Me: I’m sorry Sir. We don’t sell this product.

Customer: That’s okay. I’ll just take store credit.

Me: I can’t do that, we don’t carry this product.

Customer: But I have a receipt.

I double check the items on the receipt.

Me: Sir, this is for a Matchbox car. Not this toy. Because we don’t sell this toy, I can’t return in.

Customer: Why can’t you just return it, I’m fine with store credit.

After explaining the same thing over again an additional 5 times, the customer finally leaves the desk, grumbling as he walks into the store.

(My environmental science teacher took our class outside for a nature walk to identify trees. It is worth noting that both my friend and I are fans of the old Nickelodeon show, Zoey 101.)

Teacher: (Picking a leaf and ripping it with her fingers) “…and when you crush the leaves, it should smell familiar.” (She passes it around.)

Classmate: “It smells like root beer.”

Teacher: “Yep. Root beer used to be made from roots of these trees. Can anyone guess what it’s called? (She pauses, but no one says anything.) Sass–”

Me: “Sassafras!”

Friend: (Singing, mimicking the characteristic lisp as the Zoey 101 character.) “You can sip it in the morning, you can sip it in the evening, you can sip it at a quarter to three!”

Me and my Friend: (Singing) “‘Cause I like sassafras, you like sassafras, we all like sassafras tea!”

Friend: “One more time!”

Me and my Friend! (Singing) “You can sip it in the morning, you sip it in the evening, you can sip it at a quarter to three! ‘Cause I like sassafras, you like sassafras, we all like sassafras tea!”

(We both are laughing uncontrollably, and everyone else is consequentially confused. Best. Science class. EVER.)

(My girlfriend is in line at a buffet next to an older lady and her grandchild. The older lady has several pieces of sashimi on her plate.)

Grandchild: Oh! That reminds me, Gramma, I’m gonna grab some sushi!

Grandmother: They use raw fish in that! Gross!

My girlfriend: …?