Trouble Brewing, Part 5

(I am working the Friday night shift at a gas station located on the campus of a big university. The city’s liquor law prohibits the sale of alcohol after midnight. I’m working by myself at 3 am, when a customer with a look of urgency and intoxication comes barging right in.)

Customer: “Dude, I have a huge party at my apartment and we just ran out of beer! I need like six cases!”

Me: “Sorry, buddy, but we stop selling alcohol at midnight.”

Customer: “I’m desperate! There are like 100 people at my place, and a ton of hot b*****! If I don’t get more beer soon, they’ll leave! I’ll give you a $20 tip if you sell me some.”

Me: “Sorry, even if I were to try to sell you some, I couldn’t since our registers also block all sales of alcohol after midnight.”

Customer: “How about if I just walk out with two cases, and ‘accidentally’ drop $40 on the ground on my way out?”

Me: “That would be stealing, and I’m not okay with that.”

Customer: “Okay, what if I stuck my hand in my pocket, and pretended to have a gun…”

(The customer proceeds to stick hand in his jacket pocket and make it look like he’s holding me at gunpoint.)

Customer: “…and ‘robbed’ you for some cases of beer. Then you would chase me out, and while chasing me outside, I would ‘accidentally’ drop $40?”

Me: “I couldn’t let you do that either. First of all, I would be required to immediately call the police and file a police report for a robbery. The police would then get your face from the store cameras, easily track you down since you live close by, and put you in jail. Is this party worth going to jail over?”

Customer: “I’m sorry for bothering you dude. I really don’t have a gun. I just wanted to get some beer for this party really bad, and didn’t want to come back empty handed. Please don’t call the cops!”

Me: “I’ll forget this even happened if you leave immediately.”

Customer: “See ya!”

Me: “Bye!”