This Silver Story Is Pure Gold

(A woman is attempting to return some rusted silverware she brought around five years ago from our store. Since it’s no longer on file and I can’t find any information on it, I call my manager, who happens to be both a former priest, and married.)

Manager: “Okay, ma’am, please understand I can’t return this for its original price as this set is no longer in our system. I can return it for the price of our cheapest on-hand set, though.”

Customer: “No, I want it for the original price. Nothing less. It was about $90.00, I believe.”

Manager: “I am sorry ma’am, but I can’t do that on an item that’s over five years old.”

Customer: “Oh, I think you can.” *she leans over the register and purses her lips* “I’d make it worth your while.”

Manager: “Excuse me?”

Customer: *smiles seductively* “I’m sure I could find some means of compensating you for such a nice favor.”

(My manager stares at the woman for several seconds, then pulls out his wallet.)

Manager: “Ma’am, I’d like you to have a look at this…”

(The manager pulls out his ID that shows he’s been ordained.)

Manager: “Now, I want you to look at this.”

(He pulls out a picture of him with his wife, while holding up the hand his wedding ring is on.)

Manager: “Now, I want you to take your cruddy silverware and leave before I call security.”

Customer: *reels back* “Well, I never! I hope that b**** divorces your a** and takes everything you own, you f***!” *storms out*