The Last Thing You Want In A Bank Is An Alarm

(I work in the customer service sector of a call centre for a well-known bank in the UK. I am working a later shift and it’s almost nine pm when an elderly gentleman calls.)

Customer: “Hi there, I’d like to order an alarm call.”

Me: “An alarm call… What exactly do you mean by that, sir?”

Customer: “You know, an alarm call! Like, you call me at a certain time?”

Me: “All right… is the call to discuss anything in particular to do with your bank account? Are you looking to make an appointment within a branch today?”

Customer: *getting frustrated* “NO, I just want you to call me at nine o’clock tomorrow morning to wake me up!”

Me: “Sir, that’s not a service we offer. Are you aware you’ve phoned the bank?”

Customer: “Yes! And it is a service you USED to offer. Why don’t you do it anymore?”

Me: “I can assure you that we have never ever offered an ‘alarm call’ service.”

Customer: “You’re bloody useless; I’ll try my other bank.”