The King Of Weird

(It’s close to the end of my shift and the store is near empty. I am so happy to have a customer. I greet the man who walks up with a broad smile and an energetic hello.)

Customer: “Well, hello there, cashier girl.”

Me: “Oh, hello! Did you find everything okay? It’s a beautiful night out, isn’t it?”

Customer: “Yes, but it would be more beautiful if you were in it.”

Me: *weird giggle*

Customer: *puffs out chest and leans on my counter* “You deserve a man that will treat you like a princess.”

Me: *seeing where this is going and needing to avoid it at all costs* “I’d rather be treated as an equal.”

Customer: “So, do you have a man that treats you like the princess you are?”

(I look this man up and down. He is clearly on drugs, about 55 years old, and wearing a cut off shirt and short shorts that do not cover his butt-crack or his legs.)

Me: “Yes, I have a man. And he treats me how I feel I deserve to be treated.”

Customer: “Hmmm, well, yes. But you deserve to be treated like a princess.” *tears the corner of his check I have handed back to him* “Take this. When you need to be pampered like the royalty you are, you can give me a call, sugar.”

(The man walks off with his cart, shaking his butt and singing some random song.)