(I am about five years old, and my grandparents decide to take me to church with them. This is my first time in Sunday school.)

Teacher: “Who had the coat of many colors?”

Me: “DOLLY PARTON!”

(I didn’t know what that Joseph guy was, but I KNOW that song said it was made for Dolly!)

(I am seven and in Sunday school. My mother teaches the class I am in along with another, rather severe woman. Today, we are learning about the Ten Commandments. My mother is trying to explain what adultery but is having trouble because we are all young and don’t understand about sex.)

Mother: “Adultery is when… when a wife goes out with a man who isn’t her husband.”

(Immediately, my hand goes up to ask a question. My mother grimaces but knows I won’t drop the subject.)

Mother: “Yes, [My Name]?”

Me: “Like you and Uncle Bill?”

Mother: “No! No, no, no. It’s nothing like me and Uncle Bill!”

(Uncle Bill is one of my mother’s gay friends and she often goes out to lunch with him, perfectly innocently. My mother spent the next part of class backtracking while the very conservative woman she teaches with glared at her; convinced I exposed her non-existent affair.)