(I work for a video game developer. I am heading to the break room for lunch when one of my bosses rushes past me, followed by an art leads. All I catch of their conversation is a single sentence my obviously flustered boss says:)
Boss: “I can’t right now; I can have to make a call about the dead bodies!”
(I’m a UI designer. I sketch wireframes of screens before they get implemented in our software. I’m just on my way out, when I run into my boss.)
Boss: “Hey, still here? You know what’s funny?”
Me: “I was just about to leave, but… tell me?”
Boss: “You know that [Sales Rep] and I tend to work late, and sit here after office hours? We have discussions sometimes, you know, and we come up with the most funky things! Good things happen. You won’t believe it!”
(This announcement is going nowhere, but I know my boss and just nod understandingly. He goes on to make his point:)
Boss: “You know, just last evening, we were sitting here, and [Coworker] just showed us this software you designed, and it looked really good! It was really nice!”
(I can’t believe Coworker has implemented the screens yet, as we have discussed the revisions only this morning and he is very strict in his work. Still, my boss keeps saying how ‘funky’ and ‘nice’ it was.)
Me: “I cannot really believe [Coworker] has implemented them yet. But eh, maybe he started already… so… thanks for liking it.”
Boss: “I can show it to you right away. He’s still in the office!” *runs off and taps [Coworker] on the shoulder*
Boss: “Hey, [Coworker]! Show her the screens!”
Coworker: “Those weren’t screens. Those were the sketched wireframes.”
Boss: “But it was there and all… and you clicked it… you made it click! It clicked!”
Coworker: “Really can’t be. Those were really only the wireframes.”
Boss: “But it clicked…”
(Our company helps as an outsource development company, building games with other companies that don’t have enough manpower to complete them. These particular clients have never made a game before, have no art or gaming experience, and therefore have been incredibly difficult to work with. We have been revising a single icon for the interface for two days now, and both sides are becoming frustrated.)
Client: “It’s still MUDDY. The concept wasn’t muddy! Why do you have so much brown in there?! I can’t read any of it.”
Me: “The concept was clearer because it’s in black and white. You asked us to incorporate every color we’ve used in this so far. I don’t feel it’s muddy. We’ve reduced the only browns, the shields, down by almost 50%. I don’t understand what is reading as ‘muddy’ to you.”
Client: “The brown of everything! The brown clothes and brown hair and brown skin and brown shield—”
Me: “Wait. Are you telling me the hair and clothes read as brown to you?”
Client: “YES. I don’t understand why this is so difficult!”
Me: “The hair is bright red and the clothes are dark green. They are nowhere near brown. They are the exact colors as used by the character in the game.”
Client: “Ugh, whatever. I can’t see that! I’m COLORBLIND.”
Me: “So… let me get this straight. You are complaining about overuse of brown, when you can’t see colors properly?”
Client: “Right. Look. Just make it read better. Make the swords bigger.”
Me: “… I need a drink.”
(My employer is in an ad hoc meeting with me and a software developer. Suddenly, the phone rings. For a change I get it first.)
Me: “Good morning. [Company]. This is [My Name].”
Caller: “Hello, I’m [Name] from [Coffee Company]. I’d like to make you an offer. It is—”
Me: “Oh, we already had someone from [Other Coffee Company] over. It turns out our team is too small to have a coffee machine. We just brew it ourselves, in a good old coffeepot.”
Caller: “Uh, okay. Can I ask you how many employees there are on your team?”
Me: “Well, after what I’ve just told you, that’s quite irrelevant, isn’t it?”
Caller: *click*
Employer: “Wow, you handled that really well!”
Me: “Thank you for calling [company] technical support. What can I help you with today?”
Customer: “I’m trying to send a report to [company], but when I try I’m getting this message about my account being expired. Hang on; let me read it to you. ‘Your account is expired. Please contact the sales department to renew.’ Is this something you can help me with, or do I need to call sales?”
Me: *facepalm*
