To celebrate today as the 50th anniversary of Star Trek, we’ve collected a few stories of our worst customers boldly going, sadly, where many customers have gone before… Live long and prosper!
Star Trek Names: The Next Generation
(A female customer comes up to my register with a heap of baby books. She notices my name tag.)
Customer: “That’s an unusual name. Where did your parents come up with it?”
Me: “Oh, my parents are Star Trek fans. The character I’m named after happened to be a name they liked. It’s also Native American and means ‘light’.”
Customer: “It’s beautiful! Do you mind if I write it down?”
(Flattered, I write down my name, the pronunciation, and the definition on a slip of paper. The customer buys the baby books and leaves. Six months later another customer comes in, and sees my unusual name.)
Customer #2: “Oh, so that’s where she got it.”
Me: “Pardon?”
Customer #2: “My sister-in-law just had a baby girl. She said she got the name from an employee in this store.”
Me: “Oh, my. Well please thank her for me. It’s an honor.”
(I never got to meet the next generation of my name. I will not forget the lady who bought the books and chose my name over all the others.)
Hailing Frequencies Open But Nobody’s Home
(My brother runs a company that sells sci-fi and fantasy memorabilia. A customer came up to the table and started inspecting a replica Star Trek communicator.)
Customer: “So does this actually work?”
Me: “Oh, yes. When you flip it open, it lights up and plays authentic sound effects.”
Customer: “No, no, I mean, does it actually communicate with the Enterprise?”
Me: *joking* “Well, the ship would be out of range if it wasn’t in orbit.”
Customer: *serious* “Oh, right!”
Klingon To The Hope Of A Ticket
Customer: “Two tickets for Star Trek, please.”
Me: “That showing has sold out, sir.”
Customer: “What! That’s impossible!”
Me: “The IMAX is very popular sir. I am afraid we don’t have any more seats until tomorrow.”
Customer: “I need to see this movie! You’re not a Star Trek fan. You wouldn’t understand! Please sell me a ticket!”
Me: “I would love to sir, but the needs of the one or the few do not outweigh the needs of the many.”
Customer: *recognizing my quote from Star Trek* “I see. I suppose I couldn’t say that sometimes the needs of the one or the few do outweigh the needs of the many?”
Me: “No sir, that would be quite illogical.”
Customer: “Hmm, you’re good.”
Me: “I must have the lobes for business.”
Customer: “Two tickets for tomorrow then, please.”
Me: “Very good, sir.”
Customer: “Live long and prosper!”
In Spock We Trust
Customer: “Why is Star Trek on the wall?”
Me: “It’s a new release sir, interested in renting it?”
Customer: “Son, Star Trek is a tool of the Devil. I demand that you remove it from your shelves!”
Me: “I can’t do that.”
Customer: “God forgive you for corrupting the youth of America!”
Not Quite Three-Thinking
(We have the top ten DVD’s on a wall. We use an empty case with a number on it to show where each film is ranked in the top ten. A man walks up and puts the number ‘3’ case on the counter.)
Customer: “I’d like to hire this.”
Me: “This isn’t a movie. Star Trek is currently ranked number 3. Would you like to rent that?”
Customer: “No, I don’t want Star Trek! I want this one!”
Me: “Sorry, that is just an empty case that we use to show our top ten rentals, it isn’t a film. If you’d like to rent one of our top ten make sure you grab one of the take home cases behind the display cases.”
(The man seems to catch on, returns to the shelf and walks back with one of the generic DVD cases we use to chock up the number ‘3’ case so it sits flush with the other DVDs).
Customer: “There! Now will you let me rent it?”
