(I’m shopping at a big box retailer and am frustrated because out of ten possible registers, two are open and they each have lines ten customers deep. One of the closed registers is designated for 10 items or less. Despite there being no one at the register, I go and stand in line. Finally, someone sees me and comes over.)

Employee: “Ma’am, this line isn’t open.”

Me: “Are you telling me that the sign lies?”

Employee: “What sign?”

(I point above my head, where a large colorful sign proclaims that the register at which I’m standing is open every day from 10 am to 8 pm. It is the middle of the afternoon.)

Me: “That sign. Is it lying?”

Employee: “I… uh… if you’ll come over to customer service, ma’am, we’ll ring you up.”

(The next time I went to that store, the sign had mysteriously been removed.)

(I’m about to go get dinner with a coworker. Since I’ll be going home after, I have my backpack with me. I have a Wii packed in it, after forgetting it at a friend’s house. As we’re walking out, I realize I forgot something.)

Me: “Oh, s***! [Coworker], hold my Wii!” *runs off*

Coworker: “Hold your WHAT?!”

(I work at a home improvement store, specifically in the appliances department. I get a call from a customer who has me look up an order of hers. Note: it’s currently December 2014.)

Customer: “I really want to get this dryer fixed, but I can’t remember when I bought it exactly.”

Me: *reading purged order* “Okay, ma’am… Looks like you bought it in September of last year, so the manufacturer’s warranty is expired.”

Customer: “Oh, shoot. Oh! Did I buy an extended warranty?”

Me: *scrolls through order again* “No, ma’am, you didn’t.”

Customer: “Oh… What if I go to another [Company I work for] store and don’t tell them anything and buy the extended warranty?”

Me: *pauses* “Well, you only have 90 days from date of purchase to buy the extended warranty, ma’am.”

Customer: *with serious disappointment* “Oh, so they’re all smart, then?”

Me: “…”

(I have recently started a new job, mainly operating the register, which I had never done before so was still getting used to it. Since the store is so short-staffed, there are some tasks that are not being done on time. Because of this, some items have gone ‘past discard,’ meaning they are no longer in our computer system and should have been removed from the sales floor. My manager on duty has advised me to apologize to any customers that want these items but explain there is no possible way we can sell them. The last customers of the night happen to be a fairly affluent looking couple, buying princess-themed things when a $1 item comes up ‘past discard.’)

Me: “I’m sorry but this item is no longer on our inventory so I cannot sell it to you.”

Man: “What?! That is false advertising! I’m a lawyer and if it is on the sales floor IT IS FOR SALE!”

Me: “I’m sorry but it is not in our inventory. There is no way for me to make the computer recognize it.”

(I try radio-ing my manager-on-duty over since this man is getting very loud and threatening. But even though she is not busy, she refuses to come help me. In fact, she is standing across the store watching this man bully me as I try explaining that there is nothing anyone in the store can do.)

Man: “If you do not sell me this item I will file charges against the company!”

(Since I am still on my probationary period, I’m afraid he will cause trouble and I will get fired.)

Me: “If you will please calm down, the manager-on-duty will be over in a minute to help.”

(As we are waiting the wife takes glee in telling me how her lawyer husband threatened another store and got them a laptop real cheap. Then my coward of an MOD radios me to relay to the customer that we cannot do anything tonight but if he will leave his name and number, the store manager will call him tomorrow with a solution.)

Man: “Fine! But set this aside because we WILL be back tomorrow to get it!”

(At that point, the MOD rushes over with another $1 product that is not past discard, scans it, and puts the past discard item in the man’s bag before turning to me.)

Manager-On-Duty: “See? Was that so hard?”

(I work at the self-checkout registers, helping customers with machine errors and doing theft prevention. Four of our self-checkout registers do not accept cash, to save space.)

Customer: “Where do I insert my cash?”

Cashier: “Sir, this machine accepts debit and credit only. It does not accept cash”.

Customer: “Really? You should have a sign that says that”.

Cashier: “Actually, we have several. There’s one posted just above the register in bright orange, one above the self checkout entrance, and at the beginning of the transaction, you pressed the button that says ‘yes, I understand this machine doesn’t accept cash.'”

(The customers always, with a red face, quickly and quietly run to one of the cash machines!)