(I’m a leasing agent for a local management company. A large percentage of our leasees are college students. I am showing a home to 5 students. On the second floor, there are two bathrooms back to back.)

Me: “Here’s the 2nd bathroom.”

Student: “Can we knock the wall down between the two bathrooms?”

Me: “Um, no. I can tell you now that the owner will not do that.”

Student: “Aww, come on. You should at least ask!”

Me: “Why do you want to knock down the wall anyway?”

Student: “So we can do GROUP POOP!”

(I am looking to buy a house and have hired a real estate agent to help me find what I’m looking for. This happens after we’ve looked at the first house on the list, and are getting ready to leave for the second.)

Agent: “Okay, next on the list is [address].”

Me: “Let me just get that in my GPS real quick.”

Agent: “You don’t need your GPS. You can just follow behind me.”

Me: “My following skills are questionable.”

Agent: “Not a problem! My driving skills are questionable.”

Me: “…touché.”

(I’m a leasing agent for a local management company. A large percentage of our leasees are college students. I am showing a home to five students. On the second floor, there are two bathrooms back to back.)

Me: “Here’s the 2nd bathroom.”

Student: “Can we knock the wall down between the two bathrooms?”

Me: “Um, no. I can tell you now that the owner will not do that.”

Student: “Aww, come on. You should at least ask!”

Me: “Why do you want to knock down the wall anyway?”

Student: “So we can do GROUP POOP!”

(The mortgage company I work for sends out notices to people with FHA home loans letting them know that they may be eligible for a new FHA program, and to call us for more information.)

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Take me off your mailing list!”

Me: “Okay, that’s no problem. What’s the file-number on the notice?”

Caller: “I’m not giving you any information!”

Me: “I just need that so I can pull up your file and remove you from the system.”

Caller: “I’m not giving you any information!”

Me: “But then I don’t know who you are.”

Caller: “Good!”

Me: “But then how do I know who to stop sending the notice to?”

Caller: *several seconds of silence, and then they hang up*

This story is part of the American States roundup!

Want to read the next story? Click here!

Want to read the roundup? Click here!

Me: “Thank you for calling [Realtors]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I’m interested in 734 [Name] Street. Could you tell me more information about it?”

Me: “You must mean 732 [Name] Street?”

Customer: “No, 734.”

Me: “Does the house have a sign in the yard that says [Realtors]?”

Customer: “No, but the one next door does. I figured I’d just call you guys since you sell houses.”

Me: “Has it occurred to you that somebody probably lives in 734 [Name] Street?”

Customer: “Well, yeah, but can’t you just, like… give it to me?”

Me: “You want me to call the family and tell them that they have to leave their house because I’m selling it to you?”

Customer: “Yeah, that would be good. And can I move in by Thursday? I’m all packed.”

(It took a good fifteen minutes to explain to him that I couldn’t just sell random people’s homes.)

This story is part of the Homeownership roundup!

Read the next Homeownership roundup story!

Read the Homeownership roundup!