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Off-Track Solution

| Right | November 6, 2013

(I work as an attendant for the local transit train system. A family walks in and buys some tickets for next the train to Toronto. Afterwards, they go out to the platform as the train begins to arrive. Once it stops, the daughter runs off the platform and goes under the first car lying against the tracks. Everyone goes into a panic, so I run out and try talk to the girl.)

Me: “Ma’am, get out from under there!”

Customer: “No! We bought tickets, so we go to Toronto!”

Me: “Yes… so are you trying to board?”

Customer: “Yeah! This is the way in!”

Me: “No, you go through the doors.”

Customer: “No, I am not stupid! Those are just stickers for show! That’s just f****** stupid! God!”

(I give up and leave. The conductor had to pry her out and show her the real way in. It ended up halting all train traffic for that specific line and delayed all trains for two hours.)

Mom Hasn’t Clicked

| Related | November 4, 2013

(I am walking to my train. I get a call from my mom, who is having computer trouble.)

Me: “What is wrong?”

Mom: “The mouse won’t move.”

Me: “Does the right-click work?”

Mom: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay, this is normal for me. Just unplug and re-plug the mouse to the tower; it should work after that.”

Mom: “Okay thanks. Bye.”

Me: “Bye.”

(I go to restart my music, but mess up and accidentally call my mom back.)

Me: “Wrong button!”

Mom: *reflexively* “How would you know? I haven’t done anything yet!”

A Natural Affinity With Responsibility

| Learning | October 31, 2013

(My friends and I are waiting in a mob of several hundred people, waiting to take the train back to our car after a concert.)

Woman #1: “I’m sorry. We should have just parked up here. I didn’t know the trains would take so long.”

Woman #2: “Nope. It’s all good. We chose to park and ride, and we’re just going to own our decision and not worry about it.”

Me: “Wow. You’re not a grade school teacher, are you?”

Woman #2: “Yes, I am! How did you know?”

He Got BUS-ted

| Right | October 10, 2013

(I’m at the busiest train station in the state, waiting to get out of the station to grab some lunch whilst I wait for my train. I get stuck behind a man whose train ticket will not allow him to exit through the ticket gates.)

Passenger: “Excuse me, my ticket isn’t working!”

Employee: “Oh, can I see your ticket, please?”

Passenger: “I bought this from a news agency. It’s supposed to work on all trains!”

(The passenger hands the employee a pre-paid bus ticket.)

Employee: “I’m sorry, sir, but this ticket won’t work here. This is not a train ticket.”

Passenger: “But I bought it from a newsagent! It has to work!”

Employee: “I don’t know what else to tell you, mate. This ticket will not work on this service, and you have wasted your money. I can let you through the gate, though, if you’ll just step back to let the gate open.”

Passenger: “This is RIDICULOUS! This ticket is supposed to work! I used my hard-earned money on it! I spent Australian currency on this! Why isn’t it working?!”

(There is now a very long line of irate people waiting for the man to just go through the now open gate. The employee is dumbfounded as to why the man won’t just leave. I lose my temper because I’m hungry and my train is to leave shortly, so I step in.)

Me: “Dude. You bought the wrong ticket. That ticket is a bus ticket. Operative word: BUS. This is a train station.”

Passenger: “I don’t care! I bought it and therefore it should work!”

Me: “Yeah, it will work on a bus, but that brings us back to the original predicament: this is a train station, so your ticket will not work, no matter how much you harass people about it.”

Passenger: “Nobody asked you, you little b****.”

Me: “No, you’re right; nobody asked me. But I’m f****** hungry, and you are holding up a few dozen people. So please shut up, accept the fact that you screwed up, and get out of the way.”

Passenger: “You’ve got a mouth on you, don’t you?”

Me: “I do, and I’d like to fill it with food, so please get the f*** out of my way.”

(The passenger storms off, and I ask the employee if she can keep the gate open for me as I don’t want my ticket to get rejected on the way back through. She lets me through, and I go to get some food and come back. As I come back to the gate, there is a security guard and another employee standing with the first employee. The security guard approaches me with a notepad.)

Security Guard: “Excuse me, miss: I just have a question for you. Are you in any way affiliated with [rail company] as a contractor or employee?”

Me: “No, I’m just trying to get to Woolongong to see a few friends.”

Security Guard: *closes notepad and smiles* “Thanks for that. That guy you told off? He tried to file an official complaint against you. He wouldn’t believe [Employee] when she said you don’t work here.”

Employee: “And thanks for that, by the way. Enjoy your trip to the coast!”

Honest Conductor Versus Dishonest Conduct

| Right | October 9, 2013

(I’m riding the train when a passenger with a walker approaches the area where you pay. As she gets up the first stair, she trips, making a second passenger in front of her drop her wallet. I see the first passenger snatch up the money that falls from the second passenger’s wallet. She takes her seat and the other passenger confronts her.)

Passenger #2: “Excuse me, I think you have my money. There was $30 in my wallet before it fell, and now there’s none.”

Passenger #1: “Well this is all my money for my tickets and trains. It’s not yours.”

Passenger #2: “The conductor told me you grabbed it when it fell.”

Passenger #1: “Well that’s not true. IT’S MY MONEY!”

Me: “Then why is it folded differently than the rest of your money?”

(Passenger #1 finally gives up and gives back the money. The conductor even apologizes to Passenger #2 for the bad behavior of Passenger #1.)