(There is a certain day of the week where you have to prepare coffee if you open. The coffee is free and it starts out as a small initiative for customer appreciation. Unfortunately, a group a seniors take this out of hand and create the most ungrateful coffee club in existence. First of all, they have a “seating order” for those who come for coffee and if you’re not in the club, you can’t sit with them. Secondly, some people just come to have the coffee, not even work out, and act like they can order around the other patrons who want coffee. Lastly, they complain about the coffee every time, no exaggeration, and it’s free. My last straw with them happens when I take an opening shift on this day for the first time in awhile. I am surprised to find two coffee machines there instead of the one I was familiar with, so I decide on using the bigger one I am used to. I’m not a coffee drinker, but I had no complaints all morning. When they come, I watch them call over my co-worker, who relays this message to me:)

Coworker: “So they’re not happy with the coffee.”

Me: “Oh, what’s wrong with it?”

Coworker: “Well, personally, I think nothing is wrong with it, but they said and I quote ‘did you fill the machine with pool water’?”

Me: “What?”

Coworker: “Yup, they wanted me to tell you that you should use the smaller coffee machine because they gave money to this place specifically so they could buy a new one. The big one is apparently too old and that’s why the smaller one was purchased.”

Me: “Oh, I had no idea; I’ll go apologize.”

(I did just that and they “forgave me,” but wouldn’t stop talking about how they used their money for this new machine and they didn’t like that it wasn’t being used. When my boss came in later, I told her my story in case she received a complaint.)

Me: “…and so I used the bigger coffee machine, not realizing that they had purchased the smaller one and wanted—”

Boss: “Hold up, what? Say that again?”

Me: “Uh, I wasn’t familiar with the smaller one they bought for this place, so I used—”

Boss: “Oh, my god, they told you they bought that?”

Me: “They didn’t?”

Boss: “Absolutely not. That was purchase made through the centre.”

Me: “But they went on about how they bought it specifically for their club.”

Boss: “I’m sure in their eyes they think they did using only their seniors discount on their membership.”

(To make matter worse, I am talked into doing the same shift the next week and, because I wasn’t familiar with the machine, I don’t realize it isn’t brewing coffee until 30 minutes after we open. I fix this issue by the time one of the people from the club come in, so I just warn them to wait a few minutes.)

Me: “Hi there, just a heads up. There were some issues with the machine this morning but there will be fresh coffee for you guys in just five minutes.”

Customer #1: “Oh, okay.”

(A few minutes later, another coffee club member joins her.)

Customer #1: “So, there’s no coffee today.”

Customer #2: “What?”

Me: “No, there is. There was just some technical issues this morning. You just have to wait a few more minutes until it’s brewed.”

Customer #2: “Oh, okay.”

(Customer #3 walks in.)

Customer #2: “Did you hear?”

Customer #1: “There’s no coffee today.”

Customer #3: “What?”

Me: *face palms*

(They did this for EVERY member of the coffee club that walked in, even when they got their coffee. I never took that shift again.)

(At pools everywhere, the number one rule is no running on the pool deck. I have seen people hurt themselves terribly doing that, and even heard of an instances where people have broken a few bones doing this. Still, kids can’t contain themselves sometimes, so the number one thing I am always yelling across the pool is “WALK.” On this one day, I have done an open at 5:45 am and I am guarding a school group that is in later around 11 am. We have turned on the slide, and I see this one kid booking it to get to the deep end where this is happening. For some reason, in urgency my brain failed me and this is what happens:)

Me: “RUN!”

Kid: *stops running and looks at me confused*

Me: “…I meant WALK, but that got your attention, didn’t it?”

(I am a volunteer at the swimming club, where I teach the kids who already have their basic diplomas more advanced things, like butterfly stroke or handling a water polo ball. This is the first time we’ll be using water polo balls, so I always cover the safety rules, just in case. The ages vary between 6 and 12. The kids know I tend to be either silly or sarcastic and they are used to my expressions. I always tell them to think for themselves.)

Me: “When we go into the water, we will not be holding the ball.”

Kid #1: “Can we dive in?”

Me: “Do you want me to take your teeth out for you, or will you let the ball do that?” *kids laugh* “Nah, for obvious reasons, we do not dive in with balls!”

Kid #2: *with a wicked grin* “So, how do boys do that?”

Me: “…You win that one.”

(I work at a local pool. Our policy is that children under 48″ in height are not allowed to ride the waterslides, period. If they are just barely tall enough, we will measure them and provide a wristband so the lifeguards know they’re okay to slide. On this particular day, I’m working the front desk. A mother comes in with her obviously-too-short daughter and asks to have her measured for a wristband.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but your daughter isn’t tall enough.”

Customer: “Seriously? She’s only, like, an inch too short!”

Me: “Actually, she’s about three inches too short, ma’am. Unfortunately, I cannot give her a wristband unless she’s tall enough. If she were to get injured, our insurance would be void and we could be sued.”

Customer: “But I’m her mother. I give you permission.”

Me: “Unfortunately, that doesn’t help. The slides are very fast and if the patron isn’t a strong swimmer, they can be swept under the current. It is very likely that your daughter could get hurt on the slides.”

(The mother huffs and puffs and storms away, telling her daughter not to worry because she’s friends with the owner. Later, I’m on the slide tower and allow a younger boy with a wristband to slide down. Moments later, I hear a commotion below. The same customer from earlier has confronted the little boy about having a wristband, and is forcing him to stand back-to-back with her daughter to compare their heights.)

Customer: *screaming up at me* “See? They’re the same height! Why does he have a wristband and she doesn’t?”

(Sighing, I walk downstairs, bringing our portable measurement stick with me. I hold it up to each of the kids, and find that the boy is well over the height requirement.)

Me: “Ma’am, as you can see, this child is tall enough to ride. Your daughter is not. You cannot yell at other people’s children in this park, and if I see it happen again, you will be banned. And for the record, I’m surprised you’re so adamant about your daughter riding a slide that could severely injure her.”

(The customer had the decency to look ashamed, at least. Some parents just can’t tell their children NO!)

(We have a strict policy when it comes to the swimming pool: no under-eights without an adult. I work on reception and it is summer.)

Grandfather: “Could I have three juniors to swim, please?”

Me: “Of course. And how old are they?”

Grandfather: “Twelve, eight, and six.”

Me: “Then I am sorry. I cannot let the six-year-old swim without someone over 16.”

Grandfather: “But she can swim.”

Me: “Sorry, but that is our policy.”

Grandfather: *yells at me* “…call yourself a holiday resort!”

(As he walked off, I hear him tell his granddaughter that ‘the lady won’t let her in.’ Of course it had nothing to do with safety and the fact the grandfather was willing to let all his grandchildren swim with no supervision. It was all my fault.)