(I’m a volunteer at my local library. I see a woman looking at our Young Adult section with a confused look on her face.)

Me: “Excuse me, can I help you find anything?”

Customer: *rudely* “Ugh, yes, finally! Someone is here to help. I’ve been searching for 15 minutes for a book for my daughter. She’s been wanting to read it for ages!”

Me: “Well, if you can just give me the title and the author I can check if we have it in right now or if it’s currently checked out.”

Customer: “Thank god someone’s doing their job around here. It’s [name of book] by [author].”

(Before I even start typing, I realize why she isn’t finding the book, but I’ve barely begun explaining before she cuts me off.)

Me: “Oh, I see what the problem is—”

Customer: “Aren’t you even going to look up the book!? Every time I’ve come here, you people are incompetent! I can’t believe they pay you people any money at all!”

Me: “Well, actually miss, I don’t receive a salary because I’m a volunteer and—”

Customer: “Are you kidding me!? It’s no wonder you’ve been no help!”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, I know where the book you’re looking for is.”

Customer: “What? I can’t believe this! You little brat! What are you trying to do, waste my entire day?”

Me: “No, I’m very sorry to inconvenience you, but I’ve tried to tell you where the book is twice when, both times, you interrupted me.”

Customer: “You little b****! That’s it! I’m leaving and I won’t ever be checking out any more books! Without me, you’ll go out of business! I’ll just go get the f***ing book at [chain bookstore]. We’ll see how you like that, huh!”

(At this point, the customer storms out of the library. Hearing the lady cursing and yelling, the library manager comes out of his office asking what happened. I explain the situation.)

Manager: “Well, where is the book? How did you know where it was without looking it up in the system?”

Me: “I’m the one who checked it out.”

Customer: “I’m trying to get on to the computer, but the mouse cursor is just jumping all over the screen erratically. Can I swap to a different one?”

Me: “Of course, if there’s another one free.”

Customer: “But how do I log off this one if I can’t get the mouse cursor to press the button?”

Me: “I’ll come over and sort it in a second.”

(I walk over. Instantly, I see the problem.)

Customer: “Maybe there’s a loose wire or something?”

Me: “Well, if you turn the mouse back the right way round, it should work.”

(I work at a library that opens Monday through Saturday. It is the Tuesday after a long weekend following the celebration of Mexico’s Independence Day. When I walk in, my assistant looks to be almost in tears while talking to a customer on the phone. I decide to take the call from there.)

Me: “Good morning. This is the manager. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Oh, nothing with, really. Since you are all a bunch of lazy a**holes. Shame on you.”

Me: “I’m afraid I don’t understand, ma’am.”

Customer: “Well, I called on Sunday because I needed some very important information and no one picked up the phone. No one, you lazy b****!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, but, you see, we close Sundays. Any other day we are happy to help with any information.”

Customer: “Yeah? Well, explain this to me. I called yesterday and your s****y secretary didn’t even pick up the phone.”

Me: “Well, because of the long weekend, we were closed this particular Monday.”

Customer: “What the f***? You close when I need information? Are you deliberately doing this to upset me? This country doesn’t need people like you, you know?!”

Me: “You mean, people that celebrate its independence? That’s the reason we closed. Banks close this particular day too, you know?”

Customer: “What?! You mean banks were closed too?! Is this some kind of evil plan you’re all plotting against me?!”

(At this point, I decide I’ve had enough of her screaming.)

Me: “YES WE ARE! And now you know, you should never stop looking over your shoulder because we are after YOU.”

(We never heard from that customer again.)

(I am looking for a book from the ‘holds’ section of my local library. An old woman, about 75 years old, approaches me.)

Old Woman: “Excuse me, but can you see if there is a book under [name]? I left my glasses in the car, and I can’t read the print.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, there is one.” *I hand her the book*

Old Woman: “What is the title?”

Me: “A Double Barrelled Detective Story, by Mark Twain.”

Old Woman: “Thank you, that’s exactly what I’m looking for.”

(Later on, I go to check out a couple books. I see the old woman in line in front of me.)

Old Woman: *to employee* “This young man helped me find my book. I would like to thank him.”

Me: “No problem, ma’am.”

Employee: “He volunteers here sometimes. He’s quite helpful.”

Old Woman: “Oh! Then maybe he could help me find another book I’m looking for. All of my friends have it, and I want to know what all the fuss is about!”

Employee: “What book would that be?”

Old Woman: “It’s called 50 Shades of Grey.”

(I work at a university library where the majority of the books are stored elsewhere due to a lack of space in the current library. I recently trained a new employee how to handle patrons that want a book kept in our storage facility. He picks up the idea quickly and I leave him to work, but later I overhear this.)

Coworker: “I’m sorry, we can’t get the book for you. We don’t have it anymore.”

Patron: “What do you mean you don’t have it anymore? I’ve checked it out before without any problems.”

Coworker: “You see, we moved all of our useless books so now we can’t check them out.”

Patron: “Look, you must be new. I have the slip you need filled out and everything. Can you just type it into the computer and place the order in the Head Librarian’s box for me?”

Coworker: “Nope, sorry. We don’t check books out anymore.”

Me: “Hi! Is there something I can help you with?”

Patron: “Oh, thank god! Could you get this item checked out for me please?”

Me: “Of course, sir!”

(I put in the request as usual, making sure my coworker watches every step of the process again.)

Me: “Okay, sir, sorry about the trouble. Your book will be ready for pick up tomorrow at 8 am.”

Patron: “Thank you!”

Me: *to coworker* “Why did you tell him we don’t check out books anymore?”

Coworker: “It’s too hard and I didn’t feel like doing it. I’m tired from being up all night, so I just tell people we don’t check out books anymore and they go away.”

Me: “You can’t do that! Our patrons need these books for their classes. What would you do if the Head of the English Department came down here with a list of books that needed to be checked out? Would you tell her we don’t have them anymore?”

Coworker: “Well yeah, if I didn’t feel like working.”

(I reported him to the Head Librarian the next morning but it was already taken care of. Several teachers has already reported him for refusing to help them, and he was fired.)