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Even Customers Have A Stupid Quota

, , , | Right | July 11, 2008

Customer: “What time is tax assistance here?”

Me: “They are here on Tuesdays and Thursdays, from 12 to 2 o’clock.”

Customer: “Okay, so they’re here Tuesday through Thursday, from 12 to 2 o’clock?”

Me: “No, sir, only on Tuesday and Thursday.”

Customer: “Okay, Tuesday and Thursday, all day long?”

Me: “No, sir, only from noon until 2.”

Customer: “So, you’re telling me that they are here from noon to 2?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “And that’s on Mondays and Tuesdays?”

Me: “No, sir… ”

(Before I can say anything further, the person behind him explodes…)

Another Customer: “It’s here on Tuesday and Thursday from 12 to 2! I don’t even know what the @#$% you are asking about, but I’ve figured out what time it happens! What the f*** is wrong with you?!”

Customer: *slinks away*

Altruism, How I Miss Thee

, , , , | Right | July 7, 2008

Library Patron: “I’ve donated a lot of books over the years. So, from now on I’d like all my requests for free, please.”

(Requests to transfer books from one library branch to another cost $1 per time.)

Me: “I’m sorry. We don’t have any policy to do that.”

Library Patron: “I’ve donated so many books over the years I think this is a special case! I should be given free requests and fines.”

Me: “I’m sorry, that’s not something you’ll be able to do. A lot of people donate books and we don’t give them free requests and fines.”

Library Patron: “But I’ve been supporting the library with all these donations I’ve been giving. I deserve something in return!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but the word donation implies you expect nothing in return… Otherwise, it’s not a donation.”

Library Patron: *lightbulb goes on* “Oh…”


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Accidental Lemonade From Lemons

, , , , , | Right | June 29, 2008

Me: “Hi, can I help with anything?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for a good book.”

Me: “Do you have any specific genre or subject in mind?”

Customer: “Yes, a good one… One that I’ll like.”

Me: “Um, you’ll have to be a bit more specific. I don’t really know what you like. Science fiction, thriller, fantasy, horror, that sort of thing?”

Customer: “Well, don’t you know any good books?”

Me: “I haven’t actually read them all, but–”

Customer: “You haven’t? What kind of librarian are you? Isn’t there anyone here who can help me?”

Me: “This one–” *holding up a book* “–is pretty popular at the mo–”

Customer: “How do you know I’ll like it?! You can’t know that. I want a book that I’ll like.”

(I get frustrated and just grab a random book that was recently turned in.)

Me: “Here, you’ll love this one!”

(Unfortunately, she did like it, and told my boss to thank me for my great suggestion. Darn.)

Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition, Part 2

, , , | Right | June 13, 2008

(A customer comes to the counter to borrow a DVD, I go into the back and get the one he wants, and all seems normal…)

Me: “May I have your card?”

Customer: *presents a bank card*

Me: “I mean your library card.”

Customer: “You mean I can’t buy it?”

Me: “No, you can only borrow from a library. You can buy DVDs in the shop around the corner.

Customer: “Oh… so I can’t buy it here? I have to borrow it?”

Me: “Yep.”

Customer: “I wanted to buy it.”

Me: “You can only buy it from shops. Are you a member of the library?

Customer: “No, I wanted to buy this DVD.”

Me: “You can’t buy things here, you can only borrow things when you’re a member.”

(By this point there is quite a long queue behind him, so I ring the bell for assistance.)

Customer: “What’s that bell for? Is it for getting a copy I can buy?”

Me: “No, it’s to get assistance for the other readers. If you’d like to buy a DVD, I’d strongly suggest you go elsewhere. ”

Customer: “So I can’t buy it?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: *pauses* “Oh… I wanted to buy it.” (After one more pause, he finally leaves.)

I’m So Smrt, I Dn’t Hve To Raed

, , , , | Right | June 2, 2008

(A library patron comes to the desk with her laptop.)

Patron: “I’m having problems getting on the Internet.”

Me: “Well, if you’re connecting wirelessly, you need to log on to our network with your email address–”

Patron: “I know that! I’m not stupid. I put in my email and password and it won’t connect me!”

Me: “Okay, why don’t you try and log in here, and I’ll see if I can help.”

Patron: *logs on* “See! I enter everything and then it says Not Connecting You To The Internet. It’s been doing this for the past half hour… I keep closing it and trying again!”

Me: “Uh, that says Now Connecting You To The Internet…”

Patron: “No it doesn’t! It says Not Connecting You To The Internet!”

Me: “What’s that word?”

Patron:Now!”

Me: “And the others?”

Patron:Connecting You To The… erm. I have to go now.”


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