(My mom has just had major abdominal surgery, but has never been one to complain. She’s bending over, getting dishes to set the table; my sisters and I are sitting around watching TV.)

Mom: “Ow!”

Dad: “Girls! Help your mother! She shouldn’t be doing all this alone; it’s hurting her.”

Mom: “It’s okay, dear. A little pain never hurt anyone.”

Sister: “Actually, I think that’s pretty much the definition of pain!”

(Our mum has a habit of not concentrating when she talks to us; often forgetting what she means to say. We’re packing up after a family visit, and I’m putting stuff into the car. My sister comes down with a small bag.)

Sister: “Mum says to put this in the the the the…”

(My boyfriend and I are long distance, and haven’t been dating long. We have both agreed that saying ‘I love you’ is not right for our situation. We are just finishing up an online chat.)

Boyfriend: “I wish there was a thing I could end the conversation, that isn’t the thing that I really shouldn’t say. But saying ‘I like you’ at the end of a conversation sounds stupid.”

Me: “I agree.”

Boyfriend: “There’s no middle ground! Well, I have to go. I middle ground you!”

(My partner lives an hour away, so I only see him on weekends. It’s the day after he left from a weekend visit, and we’re texting.)

Me: “I miss you already. I wish my big and strong man were here.”

Boyfriend: “Aww. I miss you too.”

Me: “Yeah. I have this gigantic zit on my back that really hurts. I can’t reach it, and my roommate is too grossed out by my request for him to pop it for me.”

(I have just started lampworking, which involves making glass beads using a torch with an open flame. I’m discussing it with my boyfriend.)

Me: “Will you still love me if I singe my eyebrows off?”

(He laughs for a bit, then pauses thoughtfully.)

Boyfriend: “Only if I get to draw them back on.”

Me: “Deal.”