(My mom and I are driving to a church where the children’s theatre in town holds camp. My brother is a counselor at the camp, so my mom drives him there every morning. We are now driving there to drop off something.)

Mom: *sigh* “…This underpass is just the worst.”

Me: “Yeah…”

Mom: “It was just as bad this morning! It’s such a… There’s a word to describe it, but I’m not going to say it.”

Me: “Uh, mom, I don’t really care if you swear around me.”

Mom: “Just because you can swear, doesn’t mean you should. Let’s just say the word rhymes with ‘cluster duck.’”

(My father has been having car troubles for quite some time now, but he finally manages to get it looked at. I need a lift, so Dad offers to take me. After his car starts immediately he turns and looks at me with pride.)

Dad: “Can you smell that sound? The engine is going great!”

(My boyfriend is driving me home after a full day of hanging out at his place. It’s worth mentioning that we live in Canada and are both hopeless romantics.)

Me: *after saying something particularly romantic* “Geez, I’m such a sap.”

Boyfriend: “Hey, if you’re a sap, then so am I.”

Me: “Yeah, you are a sap.”

Boyfriend: “Then we’re both saps!”

Me: “I can deal with this.”

Boyfriend: “In fact, we’re such saps that if they tapped us, actual sap would come out!”

Me: *laughing* “We’re so Canadian that we bleed maple syrup!”

(I am three and my friend is about six. We are in the car on our way for our families to do something together. We pass a street sign and she reads:)

Friend: “Stop.”

Adults: “Very good, sweetie!”

(We pass another sign.)

Me: “No parking, Monday through Friday, eight am to six pm…”

Adults: “…”

(My friend and I are driving to a Moms & Toddlers event. Her son is nine months old and my daughter is thirteen months.)

Friend: “So have you seen [Baby Show]?”

Me: “Um… no, where do you watch it?”

Friend: “Oh, it’s on [Baby Channel]. They play baby stuff 24/7. I leave it on for [Son] and he loves it.”

Me: “Oh, really? Pretty cool. I just started [Daughter] on Star Trek.”

Friend: “Really? Star Trek?!”

Me: “Well, just the original one. I mean, it’s a clean show, there’s no swear words, and the monsters aren’t that scary.”

Friend: “That’s awesome!”

Me: “I know, right?”

Friend: “Here I’ve got [Son] watching [Baby Show] and your kid is watching Star Trek.”

Me: “Just think, when they start talking, he’ll being saying things like “square” and she’ll say “phaser!””