Questionable Behavior

(While I am a student I work as a tour guide for prospective students.)

Me: “Now if you have any questions. Feel free to ask me anything that doesn’t violate my fifth amendment rights!”

(A good portion of the groups laugh as expected. The tour continues with me answering the occasional question. A mother of a high-school girl has one.)

Mother: “What are your enrollment numbers?”

Me: “Our undergrad enrollment is [number]. If you count grad students it goes up to [higher number].”

Mother: “Thank you.”

(Several minutes later, this same mother asks another questions.)

Mother: “Where are the dining halls and how many options do they serve?”

Me: “Well, ma’am…”

(I proceed to give her every piece of info I can about meal plans, the dining locations, and even the specific food items. Several more minutes into the tour…)

Mother: “I heard that last year you had a swine flu epidemic and had to shut down the school!”

(At this point I wonder if she is clueless or deliberately trying to get a question I can’t answer.)

Me: “Actually, several students were diagnosed but nowhere near an epidemic.”

Mother: “How do you know? I heard they had to cancel two football games here!”

Me: “Ma’am, I go to every home football game. If they really did cancel a football game then I have no idea what I was watching.”

(Some of the other parents are trying to contain their laughter, and even this woman’s daughter looks embarrassed at her mom)

Mother: “Fine.” *looks around and then points* “WHAT KIND OF BIRD IS THAT!?”

(The rest of the group as this point cannot believe this is happening.)

Me: “If we look at that bird, we can clearly see that’s a magpie, which my friend pointed out to me last week. Now moving on…”

(At this point the mother pulls out a phone as we continue and about two minutes later I hear the daughter.)

Daughter: “See? It was a magpie! Now, will you please stop!?”