Providing Unique Lip Service

(I work at a large store that sells nothing but beauty items for women.)

Customer: “I have a very weird question for you.”

Me: “Yay! Those are my favorite kind of questions!”

Customer: “I need very small, very sharp scissors.”

Me: “Well, that’s not weird at all. Let me show you where our cuticle and nail scissors are; that’s exactly what you’re looking for.”

Customer: “I haven’t told you what I need them for. I need to cut the lips off my fish.”

(I stop dead in my tracks, thinking I couldn’t possibly have heard her correctly. I give her a puzzled look.)

Customer: “That’s right. I need tiny scissors to cut the lips off my fish.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “I have an Angel fish with a large pucker, and she’s my pride and joy. She developed a cancerous growth on her lips. The vet wants an outrageous amount of money to remove it. He said if I wanted, and was brave enough, I could cut off her lips myself.”

(I try to keep my composure, relay my sympathy, and show her the selection of tiny scissors. She makes her decision, and I take her to the register.)

Me: “I wish you luck with your fish!”

Customer: “Thank you, I need it. By the way, do you happen to know a close-by liquor store? I don’t usually drink, but I may need a glass of wine before my adventure!”

(Luckily there was a liquor store nearby. I thanked her for asking the weirdest question I have ever heard in my many years in retail. She laughed and said no one was going to believe me. I hope her fish is okay!)