Outsourcing 101

(I am a secretary to the department chair, who is in her office. A student comes in.)

Student: “Hey, sorry, do you know where I can find Professor Aaronson?”

Me: “I’m sorry, who?”

Student: “Professor Aaronson. I’m in his every class twice a week. I couldn’t reach him by phone, and I can’t find his office.”

Me: “What course does he teach?”

Student: “Modern American Drama. Lit 317.”

(I look up the class, but it’s taught by Professor [name]. He has been with the university for 20 years and is well-known to all in the department. I tell the department chair, who calls the professor but gets no response. Later, she sits in on his class and returns with an odd expression.)

Me: “So, what was going on?”

Department Chair: “Professor [name] wasn’t there. He paid someone named Aaronson a fraction of his salary to teach his courses for him. I can’t find him, and Aaronson said he had been told it was all official and approved by the board.”

(I never met “Professor” Aaronson, and Professor [name] was fired, but props for coming up with an ingenious scheme to sub-let your own job!)