Not Just The Sound Quality That’s Terrible

(A week before I bought a new phone because my old one had screen death. The new phone is a fairly expensive model that just came out last summer.)

Me: “Hi. I wish to pay my bill and ask you about an issue.”

(After paying the family phone bill of over $160:)

Me: “I bought this phone about a week ago when my old one died, but the sound quality is horrible. Everyone I speak to sounds like they are in a tunnel with static. Do you know any tricks or tips about this brand and model phone to help with that?”

Clerk: “Yeah, don’t buy a crappy phone next time! NEXT CUSTOMER!”