Living In A Post-Utensil Society

(I am at home with both my partners and our dear friend.)

Me: “I’m hungry.”

Partner #1: “You have a spoon on your lap.”

Me: “Spoons aren’t tasty.”

Partner #2: “That’s spoon-racist.”

Me: “Spoon racism doesn’t exist anymore since we had a spoon president. We live in a post-spoon-racist society.”

Partner #1: “That’s your fork-privilege speaking.”

Friend: “We just celebrated spoon-history month.”

Me: “I won’t celebrate spoon history month until we have a fork history month.”

Partner #1: “Let’s talk about sporks.”

Friend: “Why do we always have to bring trans-utensil identity into this?”

Partner #2: “Knife lives matter!”