I’m Anti-Antivirus

(The usual “Your computer has a virus” scammer calls my work mobile phone. Unfortunately for him, he could not have picked a worse target.)

Scammer: “This is [Name] from Microsoft; we have noticed your PC has a virus.”

Me: *panicky* “What? WHAT? Oh, no, please don’t say… Please, not again. What happened to the others?”

Scammer: “Yes, it has a virus.”

Me: “My boss will kill me if I nuked the malware storage again; please don’t say they’re gone!”

Scammer: *slowly getting a bit insecure* “No… no damage has been done yet, but…”

Me: “Then why do you say there’s only one virus left on my machine? If there’s only one virus on my machine, I have a big problem. What happened to the other samples?”

Scammer: *clearly a little confused* “Why… No, no, there are many viruses on your machine!”

Me: *breath of relief* “Dude, don’t shock me like this! But why are you calling me when everything’s all right?”

Scammer: *now absolutely confused* “No, it’s not right. There are many viruses on your machine!”

Me: “Yes. I sure hope so.”

Scammer: “Why would you WANT a virus on your machine?”

Me: “Because we’re an anti-virus research company.” *click*