Almost Became PG For A Moment There

(I teach kindergarten and also monitor the playground during recess. Two of my students get into an argument. Neither is being violent, so I decide not to interfere but keep an eye on them just in case. They were originally fighting over who was more deserving of the title “king of the world” but it eventually devolved into both children flinging what they consider to be insults.)

Boy #1: “You’re a meany!”

Boy #2: “You’re a bossy boots!”

Boy #1: “You’re a poo-face!”

Boy #2: “You’re stupid-head!”

Boy #1: “You’re an ugly booger-bum!”

Boy #2: “You have worm breath!”

Boy #1: “You’re a chicken!”

Boy #2: “You’re a pig!”

Boy #1: “You’re a truck with every animal in the world in it!”

Boy #2: “You’re a pee-pants!”

Boy #1: “You’re a c-word, s-word, f-word, and b-word put together!”

Boy #2: “What’s that?”

(I get nervous since the feud can be heard across the playground. I try to stop the boy from saying it but by the time I get there it’s too late and he blurts it out.)

Boy #1: “COO-COO CRAZY STUPID FARTY BUM-HEAD!”

(I burst out laughing.)

Boy #1: “What’s funny?”

Me: “Uh… I remembered a joke.”

Boy #1: “Can I hear it?”

Me: “It’s a teacher joke; you won’t get it.”

Boy #1: “Okay, bye.”

(The boys got distracted and ended their feud before recess was over. I got a good story out of it to tell my friends, who all thought it was hilarious, so it ended up being a win-win.)

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