I Want To Die Fabulous

(My friends somehow manage to convince me to come to a school dance. They quickly notice that not only am I not wearing a dress like all the other girls, but I’m wearing sneakers, too.)

Friend #1: “So, you don’t wear high heels? Like, ever?”

Me: “I’d rather wear something that I can actually walk in.”

Friend #2: “But they make you taller and look pretty!”

Me: “I’m wearing jeans and a T-shirt for a metalcore band, which are the first things I found on my floor when I started getting ready fifteen minutes before we had to leave, by the way. What makes you think I care about looking pretty?”

Friend #1: “So, you wouldn’t even wear heels just for special occasions, like a dance?”

Me: “I wouldn’t wear heels to my wedding. I like to be prepared.”

Friend #1 & #2: “For what?”

Me: “Just in case we should all get attacked by zombies. Since I’m the only girl in the area not wearing heels, I’ll be able to run the fastest while the rest of you get eaten and slow the walking dead down!”

(There’s a brief pause, before…)

Friend #1: “Wait, it only took you fifteen minutes to get ready?”

Friend #2: “I love how that’s the only thing she’s said that has you concerned right now.”