Unfiltered Story #47614

(My brother loves a good conspiracy theory or two… just as much as he loves quoting movies.)

Me: Wanna go to the [local festival]. It’s free if you donate blood.

Brother: You do know that donating blood is a pyramid scheme perpatrated by Dracular, right?

Me: Of course it’s Dracula’s scheme. Why would I donate my tasty o-positive blood to dying people when there are vampires going hungry in third world countries?

Brother: We will have to take turns watching my kids as they draw out my life force.

Me: I can handle that. I may have to employ bribery. If not bribery, then shrubbery.

Brother: I know a shrubberer. His name is Karl the shrubberer. He does shrubberies. But he gets mad if you use the word “nee” to old ladies. Will you drive?

Me: I’ll drive, but only because brave Sir Robin ran away, bravely ran away, away.

Brother: That’s good to know because in order for me to drive you would have to cut down the mightiest tree in the forest using only a… wait for it… a herring.