(I was working in a popular discount home decor/supply store at the returns/exchanges desk when a woman approaches with an obviously more than used frying pan.)

Me: “Hello, what can I help you with today?”

Customer: “I want to return this pan; it’s horrible!”

Me: “Okay, well, do you have your receipt?”

Customer: “Of course not! I bought it six years ago!”

Me: “Hmm, well, it doesn’t have any of the original packaging, and with no receipt, there’s really not much I can do here. Do you remember what you paid for it originally?”

(At this point, I’m really just trying to be as nice as I can. Maybe there’s some way I can figure out store credit or something, but I doubt it.)

Customer: “Not that it’s any of your business, but it was six dollars!”

Me: “Really? You bought it six years ago, for six dollars, and you expect it to still be in good condition after years of repeated use?”

Customer: “Those were six hard earned dollars, and I expect them back! This pan is a piece of crap! It should still be under warranty, though!”

Me: “Ma’am, I think they only offer warranties on cookware in a much higher price range.”

(For my own home, I only buy high quality cookware — I would never buy anything from the store I work at and expect it to last longer that a couple of months — so I am familiar with the warranty policies on some of the better known brands of cookware, not that I can even tell the brand without the packaging!)

Customer: “Well, there should be a warranty on this pan. It’s a piece of crap! And you need to refund my money. I shop here all the time!”

Me: *finally giving up* “Ma’am, there’s not much you can expect from a six dollar pan. The fact that you got six years out of it is frankly unbelievable! This is about the best six dollar pan I’ve ever seen. Besides which, there’s no proof you bought it here, as there’s no packaging, and no receipt. I’d be happy to show you where we stock the new pans.”

Customer: “NO! I WANT A D*** REFUND! THIS PAN SHOULD BE UNDER WARRANTY!”

Me: *clueing in on how to end this* “Ma’am, this is a Teflon coated pan. May I ask how you washed it?”

Customer: “The dishwasher. What do I look like, an idiot?”

Me: “Ma’am, Teflon is handwash only; washing it in the dishwasher would void the warranty.”

Customer: “Oh, god d*** it!”

(A customer walks into the store I work at right as we are closing.)

Me: “Attention shoppers, the time is [time] and our store is now closed.”

(The customer continues to shop and I close one of our two registers. Ten minutes later the she is still there.)

Me: “Attention shoppers, the time is [time] and our store is closed.”

(Five minutes later the customer approaches the counter, and I’m relieved because it is time for me close the last register. However the customer walks past the counter and continues to shop.)

Customer: “I just need to find something to go with this!”

Me: *to Coworker* “Close register one. It’s supposed to be closed by 15 after and we can’t wait any longer.”

Me: “Attention shoppers, the time is [time] and our store is closed.”

(The customer shops for another 10 minutes before she finally comes to the register with her items.)

Customer: “I’m ready to check out now, please.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m very sorry but all of our registers are closed. I can’t ring you up but I’d be happy to put them on hold so you can come get them tomorrow.”

Customer: *immediately angry* “What? You mean I can’t buy these?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but not tonight. The registers won’t even let me scan them. I’d be happy to put them on hold for you so you can get them another time.”

(Reluctantly the customer agrees. I walk her out of the store since the doors are all locked. As she is leaving she turns to me.)

Customer: *rudely* “Well, I didn’t even know you guys were closed!”

(I’m being interviewed for a seasonal position at a local crafting store. I’m also color blind.)

Interviewer: “Your references checked out and we’d love to have you on the staff.”

Me: “Perfect! I just need to make sure I’m cashier only, however, due to the nature of the store.”

Interviewer: “Not a problem; we start all of our seasonals as cashiers and go from there anyway, and I’ll make sure the managers know about the circumstances. There’s plenty to do that doesn’t involve coloring.”

(My first shift, a manager snags me and brings me to the fabric section.)

Manager: “Okay, so I need these sorted by color. I’ll have someone come help you in a bit when it slows down.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t. I’m [My Name] and I’m-”

Manager: “And I’m your boss, so do it.” *walks away*

(I do what I can until help arrives and wonder if any of the managers actually read my interview notes. An hour later, he comes back.)

Manager: “You’ve barely touched this section!”

Me: “Yes, I know. I’m [My Name] and I was promised I would be cashier only because I’m COLOR BLIND and therefore kind of useless when it comes to sorting things by color.”

Manager: “Oh, right, you’re THAT one. Look this one-” *points* “-is blue, and this one-” *points* “is green. Then there’s purple, aqua-”

Me: “Yeah, I’m sorry, but that’s black, that’s gray, and the rest look brown.”

Manager: “Fine, I’ll get someone else to do it! Just go cashier!”

Me: “Love to.”

(At least it’s only a seasonal position.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return these sheets.”

Coworker: “Okay, let’s have a look. Do you have your receipt?”

Customer: “No. The sheets are faulty and I want a refund!”

Coworker: “What’s wrong with them?”

Customer: “I brought them a couple of years ago for my queen-size bed. Last week I upgraded to a king size bed and THEY DON’T FIT. No-one told me they wouldn’t fit!”

Coworker: “…”

(The customer complained so much the matter was escalated to head office. She got her refund.)

(In their first years of marriage, my parents decide to replace their old worn out pillows. Unfortunately for them the only place they check is the expensive local bedding store.)

Mother: *looking at pillows* “What about these?”

Father: *checking price tag* “These are thirty dollars each! We can’t afford that!”

(For the next two years my parents believed pillows were expensive until one day they were shopping at a popular department store and the noticed the MUCH cheaper pillow prices. They then bought ten pillows and threw their old flat ones away!)