Making You See Red

(I have just got a new light-saber, but it doesn’t seem to be working properly. I have taken it back into the shop to get it looked at. The tech looks to be lazily reading a magazine.)

Me: “Hi, I am having trouble with my light-saber.”

(The tech sighs heavily, slowly down the magazine, and gives me the barest of acknowledgements.)

Light-Saber Tech: “Have you tried using the Force?”

Me: “What?”

Light-Saber Tech: “Have you tried using the Force? Sometimes that can help.”

Me: “Well, of course I have. I’m a Jedi!”

Light-Saber Tech: “Have you tried turning the Force off and on again?”

Me: “Uh… no.”

Light-Saber Tech: “Maybe you should try.”

Me: “No, you see, you can’t actually do that.”

Light-Saber Tech: “Well, I have my trouble-shooting guide here, and it’s one of the key causes of most light-saber glitches.”

Me: “Yes, well, this is a bit more of a glitch.”

Light-Saber Tech: “Well, what is it then?”

Me: “It’s gone red.”

Light-Saber Tech: “Red, sir?”

Me: “Yes, my light-saber has turned all red. As you can imagine, it can be terribly embarrassing, what with me being a Jedi and all.”

Light-Saber Tech: “Have you maybe considered just turning to the dark side?”

Me: “Are you serious?!”

Light-Saber Tech: “Well my trouble-shooting guide says–”

Me: “Your trouble-shooting guide advises me to become a Sith, does it?”

Light-Saber Tech: “Well, I can’t see why it would be such an issue.”

Me: “I am a Jedi! My job is to uphold peace and justice in the galaxy! The sith are evil and bad and go around murdering people!”

Light-Saber Tech: “Well… have you maybe considered–”

Me: “Going around murdering people? No, not until very recently…”