Got Their Flatlines Crossed

(My wife is in labor with our first child. The fetal heart monitor has flat-lined. I rush into the hallway and find the nurses drinking coffee at their desk.)

Me: “My baby’s heart is flatlined. We need help right away!”

(They take their time to come down the hall. By the time they arrive, the baby’s heart is beating again. They check the records.)

Nurse: “The machine was acting up. It was nothing.”

(About five minutes later, the monitor flatlines again. This time the nurses come running. The doctor approaches me.)

Doctor: “The baby is in distress. We could lose the baby and we could quite possibly lose your wife. What do you think we should do?”

Me: *flabbergasted* “I think one of us went to medical school, and I sure as h*** hope it was you!”

(My wife had no further complications and we are proud parents to a healthy baby girl.)