Caught Calling The Kettle Black

, , , | Right | February 16, 2010

(“Where The Wild Things Are” has just been released at the cinema. When movies come out, the book usually skyrockets in popularity.)

Me: “Good morning, how can I help you today?”

Patron: “Hi, I was wondering if you have a copy of Where The Wild Things Are?”

Me: “I’m sure we do, but I have to warn you that since it has just come out at the movies, there will probably be a waiting list.”

(I look up the book, and sure enough, there are 12 reservations)

Me: “I’m sorry, there are currently 12 reservations in place. I can put you down for a reservation but you probably won’t get it for another 4-6 months.”

Patron: “What? That’s ridiculous! It’s such an old book. Why are people suddenly interested?”

Me: “Well, when a movie is made out of a book, people are suddenly interested in reading the book.”

Patron: “That’s stupid. I don’t see why they should want to read it just because the movie has come out.”

Me: “Why did you want to read it?”

Patron: “Because the movie has just come out!”


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Error 404: Brain Not Found

, , , , | Right | February 15, 2010

Me: “Hello, how may I help today?”

Caller: “Yeah, your [Software] isn’t working. It’s a virus.”

Me: “Okay, sir. What do you mean, it’s a virus?”

Caller: “Every time I put the disc in, I get a message from the computer.”

Me: “What kind of message?”

Caller: “I don’t read it. It’s a warning message so I click ‘no.’”

Me: “Okay, can you insert the disc and tell me the message?”

Caller: “Sure.”

Me: “What does it say, sir?”

Caller: “Would you like to install…” *reads name of software* “… on your…” *click*

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From The Mouth Of Babes

, , , , , , , , | Related Right | February 15, 2010

(While driving a bus, I overhear this conversation between a mother and her child, right after a police car has driven by with lights and siren blaring.)

Child: “Mum, is that police car coming for us?”

Mother: “No, why?”

Child: “Because you told the bus driver I’m three and I’m really four.”

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Booze Is Blamed When There Is No Proof

, , , | Right | February 15, 2010

Caller: “Why has my insurance been canceled?”

Me: “Well, it looks like you have made six car claims in the last four months.”

Caller: “Yeah, I had some accidents.”

Me: “That is why we can no longer insure you. It’s written in our policy statements.”

Caller: “Bull! None of those accidents were my fault!”

Me: “It says here that you drove the vehicle into a tree twice, and the oth–”

Caller: “Like I said, it wasn’t MY fault! It was the alcohol’s fault!”

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Self-Deluded Dogma

, , , , | Right | February 15, 2010

Customer: “An emergency just came up. I need to board my dogs for the next week.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but it’s December 24th and we’re completely booked for the holidays.”

Customer: “But I have to leave town. Can’t they stay with you?”

Me: “We don’t have any space for them. Our waiting list has already been notified about cancellations and they have filled those spots.”

Customer: “You just don’t understand! My dogs are very well behaved and I’m leaving town tomorrow. I’ll just drop them off in the morning.”

Me: “Please don’t do that. There is absolutely no room for your dogs here.”

Customer: “Are you asking me to cancel my trip?! Listen, young lady! I’ve been planning this vacation for three months and I will not be stopped now!”

Me: “Is this your emergency?”

Customer:: *click*


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