When Mood Swings Attack, Part 2

, | | Right | March 30, 2008

(Backstory: A woman orders a Reuben sandwich and returns to the counter 30 minutes later with about a fourth of the sandwich eaten.)

Woman: “I want to speak to your manager right now!”

Crew member: “Sure, no problem.” *goes and gets manager*

Manager: “Hi, what can I do for you today?”

Woman: “Yeah, I got this Reuben at 4 pm and it’s SOGGY!”

Manager: “Well, ma’am, you purchased it half an hour ago…”

Woman: “Well, I want a new one!”

Manager: *hoping to get the looney out of the store* “Sure, no problem.”

(Suddenly, the woman goes from angry to flat-out crazy.)

Woman: “HERE’S YOUR DELICIOUS REUBEN!” *rubs sauce on counter and throws part of sandwich at manager*

Manager: *dumbfounded*

Woman: “I’m sorry… it’s not your fault.”

Manager: “…It’s alright…”

Woman: *thinks for a second, then throws remaining sandwich bits at manager*

(We all laughed quite hysterically, and our manager walked around with reuben sauce on his crotch all day.)

 

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Like Comic Book Guy, Except Much Prettier

, , | | Right | March 30, 2008

(Background: I’m the only female employee at the comic/card shop, and I was hired for my comic knowledge.)

Customer: *to my male coworker* “Did Booster Gold have a series before the new series?”

(Male coworker looks to me because he’s the card guy.)

Me: “Yeah. Early nineties. We’ve got a couple of back issues in the dollar box.”

Customer: *to my male coworker* “So you guys have it?”

Coworker: “If she says we have it, we have it.”

Customer: *finally looking at me* “Oh, you know about comics?”

Me: “That’s why they hired me.”

Customer: “But you’re a girl!”

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On Pennies, Principles, and Pissiness

| | Right | March 30, 2008

(This is when I was working at a certain home improvement store in a rural area of Edmonton.)

(A lady walks up carrying a bag of manure.)

Lady: “Can you tell me the price of this item, please?”

Me: “Sure thing. It comes up to $6.50, ma’am.”

Lady: “$6.50? Hmm…I don’t suppose you can call [competitor store] and see how much they sell it for, can you?”

Me: “Sure thing, ma’am.”

(I call up our competitor, and it turns out they sell the same product for $6.49.)

Me: “They have it on sale for $6.49, ma’am.”

Lady: “$6.49! Would you be able to make a price match?”

Me: “Uh….you want me to lower the price from $6.50 to $6.49?”

Lady: “Yes, that’s right. Is that a problem?”

Me: “Well, uh…”

(She wants it lowered by a CENT? The store policy doesn’t let me lower it unless it’s a dollar difference, or by special request of the currently absent manager.)

Me: “Erm…well, policy is that we can’t lower the price unless the difference is at least a dollar.”

Lady: “What!? That’s crazy! I demand you lower the price for me, or I’m taking this straight to management!”

Me: “Ma’am, there’s really no need to do that. It’s company policy, there’s nothing really I can do.”

Lady: “FINE!” *throws down the bag* “I’m leaving and going to [competitor store]!”

Me: “…Have a nice day.”

(I’d like to point out that the nearest competitor store is about twenty minutes away. She’d have paid more in gas getting there than she would have if she just bought it here.)

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The Uneducated States Of America

, | | Right | March 29, 2008

(I was a toll-free operator. If a caller asked for something and there was ANY difference in the listing from what was requested, we were required to notify the caller and get approval from the caller before providing the number.)

Caller: “I would like [insurance company] in Delaware.”

Me: “I have a listing for [insurance company,] but I have it listed out of New Hampshire. Would that be acceptable?”

Caller: “New Hampshire? Where the h*** is New Hampshire?”

Me: “It’s in New England.”

Caller: “New England?! I don’t want any New England! I need a number in the United States!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, then. I don’t have any listed.”

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(Telepathic) Help Wanted, Part 2

| | Right | March 29, 2008

Old Customer with Earhair: “Do you have fixative?”

Coworker 1: “I’m not aware of a product by that name. What do you want it to do?”

Earhair: “Get me someone else who knows the inventory!”

Coworker 2: “Sir, can I help you?”

Earhair: “Yeah, I want some fixative.”

Coworker 2: “We don’t have a product by that name, but if you describe it, we can get it for you.”

Earhair: “I buy fixative in here ALL THE TIME.”

Coworker 2: “What does the product look like?”

Earhair: “This is ridiculous. You should know your inventory well enough to READ MY MIND!”

 

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