I Think I Struck Me Some Gold, Pa

| | Right | February 16, 2009

(It was our restaurant’s policy to keep the front door unlocked after closing if there were still customers seated in the dining room. ¬†Unfortunately, this meant people were free to wander in, even though we couldn’t serve them. One night, a teenage couple came in after we were closed.)

Me: “I’m sorry, we’re closed.”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “I can’t perform any more transactions; I don’t have a cash register anymore.”

Customer: “So, what, everything’s free?”

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Patience (Not) Be Thy Name

| | Right | February 16, 2009

(Note: this call takes place at 2:15 pm.)

Me: “Thank you for calling blank blanker cable. How may I help you today?

Caller: “I was supposed to have a tech out here between 2pm and 4pm! Where the h*** is he?

Me: “Sir, the tech is scheduled for anytime between the hours of 2 and 4, so he is not late. He is on his way.”

Caller: “I want a credit for the install fee. I shouldn’t have to pay an install fee if the tech is late.”

Me: “Sir, he is not late. He has until 4pm to get there.”

Caller: “I want to speak to a supervisor now!”

Me: “I am sorry, sir, but a supervisor will tell you the same thing…”

Caller: “I don’t wanna talk to you! You don’t know what you are doing! give me a supervisor, now!”

Me: “no, I will not do that.”

Caller: “You have to! It’s the law!”

Me: “No, it isn’t; it isn’t even company policy. You can wait for the tech, or you can cancel the appointment. Which would you like to do?”

Caller: “Oh… the tech is here.” *click*

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Do As I Shout, Not As I Do

| | Right | February 16, 2009

Supervisor: “Well, it says here that you have five books that are overdue. Would you like to renew them?”

Patron: “What do you mean, overdue?”

(The supervisor shows the patron the overdue titles on the monitor.)

Patron: “We returned those books! I can’t believe this kind of stuff happens! What kind of library is this anyway?”

Patron’s young child: “But Papa, I saw one of the books at home, remember? In the–”

Patron: “Shut UP!”

(Ironically, one of the books he claimed to have returned was, “Teaching Your Child Good Manners.”)

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Victoria’s Secret Is Out

| | Right | February 16, 2009

Me: “Hello, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to return this.” *pulls out a bra from a bag*

Me: “Ok, is there something wrong with it?”

Customer: Well yeah, duh. I wouldn’t be returning it if it was fine, would I?!”

Me: “Ok – what is the reason you are returning it?”

Customer: “It squeaks…”

Me: “The bra…? The bra squeaks?”

Customer: “Yes, it makes noises.”

Me: “The bra makes noises?”

(By this time everyone standing in line starts laughing at her and making comments.)

Customer: “Shut up! Don’t you dare laugh at me – inferior creatures!”

(People in line now really start to laugh.)

Me: “Ok ma’am, I’m really sorry the bra makes noises, but I cannot return this, you’ve worn it. You can’t return an–”

Customer: *interrupting* “LORD! Give me patience! Or I will strangle this creature of yours! Now, Mr. A**hole, you are going to give me my money back for this thing. I cannot be walking around with a talking bra on me – people will think I’m nuts!”

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PEBMAC

, | | Right | February 16, 2009

(A lady came in to buy an iMac computer. After leaving, she called me 30 minutes later.)

Me: “Yes ma’am, how may I help you?”

Customer: “I thought these things came with a monitor? You told me it had a monitor.”

Me: “Yes ma’am, it’s one big monitor with a keyboard and mouse.”

Customer: “Well this one doesn’t have one.”

Me: Um…it’s the big black square on the front.”

Customer: “There is NO big black square on here.”

Me: “What do you mean? The whole machine is just a monitor; it’s the big black square above the CD Slot and speakers.”

Customer: “There is NO big black square. There are no speakers. You told me it came with a monitor.”

Me: “Ma’am…the whole computer is just a monitor with speakers and a CD Drive built in. Spin it around; it’s the big black square on the front.”

(I can hear her turning the machine around and around, and she starts getting angry with me.)

Customer: “Listen, there is no big black square, there are no speakers, and there is no slot for a CD.”

Me: “Ma’am…do you have the computer face down on your desk?”

(I can hear a big clunk as the flips the computer upright on the desk.)

Customer: “Um…I have to go now.” *click*

 

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