Fine, We’ll Just Shout And Yell

, | | Right | May 25, 2008

Customer: “I think it’s very rude for you to talk on your cellphone while you’re at work.”

Me: “No, ma’am, this isn’t a cellphone; it’s a headset. We use them to communicate with the other employees.”

Customer: “That’s VERY rude.”

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Just Wanted To Be Extra Extra Sure

, | | Right | May 25, 2008

(The power went out on campus. We have generator power in some parts of the school, particularly where I am. Then, an admin assistant calls…)

Me: “Help Desk, this is ***, how can I help you?”

Admin Assistant: “How can I shut my computer off?”

Me: “Okay. The beeping you hear in your room is a UPS. It’s going to keep your computer powered on for only about 19 minutes at best, so it’s good you called. Go into your Start menu and shut your computer down through the shut down option.

Admin Assistant: “Okay, where?”

Me: *explains how to shut down a computer*

Admin Assistant: “I don’t see where you’re talking about.”

Me: “Okay, do you see your computer screen?”

Admin Assistant: “No, it’s dark in here. It’s dark everywhere. The power went out.”

Me: “Yes, I know. It’s out all over campus. ”

Admin Assistant: “Yeah, so I can’t see anything in here. My computer is off.”

Me: “Okay… your computer is off? Then why did you call? What do you need?”

Admin Assistant: “I don’t know. I just wanted to know how to shut my computer down.”

(I’m not kidding. This really happened. I’ve read similar stories on other web sites. But this is actually what happened to me when I was working a university help desk. Computer Science department, no less.)

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Come To Think Of It, He Is Pretty Incredible

, | | Right | May 24, 2008

(I was in the store buying my comics when a lady walked in.)

Lady: “Hi, can I get some comics appraised?”

Worker: “Okay, what comics are they, and where are they?”

Lady: “The comics are in my car. I’ve got a bunch of Marvel comics that I don’t need. I got a bunch of Spider-Man and I got the Fantastic Four from the ’50’s. Oh, I also got that comic… whats it called… The Incredible Hulk Hogan?”

Worker: “You mean, the Incredible Hulk?”

Lady: “Yeah, that’s it!”

Me/My friends: “…”

(As soon as she walked out the store, everybody started to laugh.)

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Why “Catch-22” Needs To Be Required Reading

, | | Right | May 24, 2008

Customer: “I bought a computer from you guys not three weeks ago, and my Internet isn’t working.”

Me: “Well, the computer itself seems to be operating perfectly.”

Customer: “It is not working perfectly. I cannot get on the Internet. ”

Me: “I understand that; I just mean while the Internet itself isn’t working, your computer is functioning properly.”

Customer: “My computer is worthless without Internet.”

(Company policy is to direct her to her ISP for further assistance. So I try to get that info from her so I can give her a proper phone number.)

Customer: “Why don’t you just fix it?”

Me: “I’ve run out of things we can try.”

Customer: “What is the ISP going to do?”

Me: “They’ll walk you through a few things, or at least tell you if there is an outage or other problem in your area.”

Customer: “I bought this computer from you, and you should be the ones fixing it.”

Me: “It’s not the computer; it’s the Internet. Unfortunately, we’re not your Internet provider. There’s really nothing more I can do for you.”

Customer: “How much do you charge for Internet?”

Me: “We do not sell Internet.”

Customer: “Then who do I buy my Internet from?”

Me: “I don’t know. [Large Company], perhaps?”

Customer: “I suppose I should order some Internet.”

Me: “You haven’t even signed up for it yet?!”

Customer: “I wanted to do it on the Internet.”

Me: *head explodes*

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How About ‘W’ For I Dunno WTF I’m Doing

| | Right | May 24, 2008

(I greeted a customer in the ‘C’ section of the CD department.)

Me: “Can I help you find something?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m trying to find a Red Hot Chili Peppers CD.”

Me: “Well, that would be under ‘R’. I’ll show you.”

Customer: “Oh. I was going to check under ‘H’ next.”

Me: “…”

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