The Surer They Are, The Stupider They Get

, | | Right | November 22, 2007

(I work in a burger stand)

Me: “Welcome, what can I get for you?”

Lady: “I would like a cheeseburger with no cheese.”

Me: “Umm…would you just like a hamburger?”

Lady: “No. I would like specifically a cheeseburger with no cheese.”

Me: “Are you sure? A cheeseburger is 25 cents more than a hamburger.”

Lady: “Yes, I’m sure.”

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A Lost Cause

| | Right | November 21, 2007

(I have a friend that works at a home improvement store; one day, a woman comes in looking for a generator)

Customer: “What does it mean when it says seven gallon tank?”

Employee: “Uh, it means it can hold seven gallons of gas.”

Customer: “Gas? Why would it need gas?”

Employee: “It’s a generator. How else would it produce electricity?”

Customer: “I thought you just plugged it in.”

Source

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Well, That Came Out Of Nowhere

, , | | Right | November 21, 2007

(Two middle-aged women walk into the store.)

Woman #1: “I need a guitar stand for my son.”

Me: “Let me go grab one for you.”

(I go into the back for a minute and return with the stand.)

Me: “They’re $18.95 plus tax.”

Woman #2: “You’re an animal.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Woman #2: “You’re an animal. It’s a good thing.”

Me: “All right, then.”

Woman #2: *to [Woman #1]* “I don’t know why people always get confused when I tell them that…”

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The Return Of Captain Obvious

, | | Right | November 21, 2007

Customer in an ice cream shop: “What’s in the Chocolate Caramel Cashew?”

Me: “There’s really no way for me to answer that without sounding like a smarta**.”

Customer: “Why? What’s in it?”

Me: “It’s chocolate ice cream … with caramel … and cashews.”

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Why Asking Why Is A Bad Idea

, | | Right | November 20, 2007

Customer: “Oh, and could I also get a glass of milk?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t sell milk.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Well, let’s see. I could make up a reason involving the phrase ‘health codes,’ I could act dumb and just get the manager, or I could just be a total jerk about it, but at the end of the day, you’re still not gonna get a glass of milk, so how about we just skip that whole thing?”

Customer: “…okay.”

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