Finger Lickin’ Good Parenting

, | | Right | January 6, 2009

(A man walks up to our hot case with his wife and two little girls.)

Me: “Hi! How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi – we wanted to get some chicken strips.”

(As I am taking his order, I notice his daughters licking the hot case glass.)

Me: “Excuse me sir, but your daughters are licking the glass.”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Well…aside from the fact that the glass is hot, we cleaned it this morning with a chemical cleaner to wash off a layer of grease build-up.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “The chemical we used is a known carcinogen. I might suggest that you stop your daughters from ingesting it.”

Customer: “Look, lady. You’ve obviously never been a parent. When you have kids, you’ll learn that it’s MUCH easier to just let your kids do whatever they want.”

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You’d Better Throw In The Cars, Too

| | Right | January 5, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling **** Realtors, this is ****, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I’m interested in 734 **** Street. Could you tell me more information about it?”

Me: “You must mean 732 **** Street?”

Customer: “No, 734.”

Me: “Does the house have a sign in the yard that says **** Realtors?”

Customer: “No, but the one next door does. I figured I’d just call you guys since you sell houses.”

Me: “Has it occurred to you that somebody probably lives in 734 **** Street?”

Customer: “Well, yeah, but can’t you just, like…give it to me?”

Me: “You want me to call the family and tell them that they have to leave their house because I’m selling it to you?”

Customer: “Yeah, that would be good. And can I move in by Thursday? I’m all packed.”

(It took a good 15 minutes to explain to him that I couldn’t just sell random peoples’ homes.)

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The Joy Of Cooking Without Opposable Thumbs

, | | Right | January 5, 2009

Customer: “Excuse me…where is your dog cookbook section?”

Me: “Um…dog cookbooks?”

Customer: “Yes. Where are they located?”

Me: “We don’t have a dog cookbook section in the store. I don’t think we have any dog cookbooks at all.”

Customer: *stares blankly* “You can’t be serious.”

Me: “I’m sorry, miss. I might be able to order-”


Me: “Have you considered a nice set of dog cookware?”

Customer: *storms out*

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Conspiracy Weary

| | Right | January 5, 2009

(When special order books come in we call the customers, but we don’t normally say the book’s title over the phone. A man came in one day to pick up his special order – some book about 9/11.)

Customer: “I have a complaint about my order.”

Me: “Yes, sir?”

Customer: “When the woman called me, she said the title of my book in the message.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, is that a problem?”

Customer: “Well, you see, the government’s tapping my phone. I don’t want them to know that I know what they’re up to.”

Me: “Um…Ok, sir. I’m sorry about that. I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

Customer: “Thanks.”

Me: “…would you like a bag, sir?”

Customer: *starts laughing* “No thanks. I’m not that paranoid!”

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Customer Of The Week: Wince Of Thieves

| | Right | December 31, 2008

Customer Of The Week: Wince Of Thieves
Created by our friends at Quitting Time

Original Story

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